Georgina: "Get away from that computer. You're even worse at being Gossip Girl than I am!"
Philip: "But I exist to serve you!"
Georgina: "Fine. You be Gossip Girl today while I crash CeCe Rhodes's secret wake."
Ivy: "You can be my plus one."
Georgina: "In my made-up world, it's okay to crash a party as long as you bring somebody they hate even more."
Philip: "Cool, you gals have fun. I'll just be here fucking everything up."
Chuck: "The first time I've ever been to family brunch in this history of this show! I feel so good about myself!"
Serena: "Actually, there is something bonkers going on up there instead."
Chuck: "Listen, is Dan here?"
Serena: "No, but it might interest you to know that Cyrus Rose may have figured out a way to break Blair's prenup."
Chuck: "I was kind of hoping she'd be trapped in a loveless marriage for another year. Because I love her so much."
Serena: "You are doing it wrong, but luckily I don't care about anything so you can go about your business."
Lola: "What rich people things are we going to do today? Because I hate them."
Nate: "I was thinking we could go to Serena's house where you said you don't want to go, and hang out with Serena that you don't want to hang out with, and generally make decisions for you as usual."
Lola: "Okay, just this once."
Serena: "Mom, I must warn you that it is about to be bonkers."
Lily: "I'm so sure a bunch of old white ladies talking out their asses is not going to stop me from drinking myself into the usual coma."
Serena: "It's not actually old white ladies. It's more like the bar full of townies from Pete's Dragon."
Lily: "My dead mother is a crazy person."
Is like, there's an Irish band. And stew. And green beer. And flowing whiskey. And a big wooden casket in the middle of PRADA that contains an old dead lady. Everybody there is poor. It is CeCe's greatest triumph.
Philip: "So here's an email from Chuck proving that Dan sent the video to GG that GG gave him, so what I'll do is fuck everything up by posting Chuck's email instead of the original em... No, that's not right. Undo! Undo!"