Blair: "Oh my God, Chuck! I just read on Gossip Girl this latest thing! I'm sure I'll forgive you by the end of the episode."
Chuck: "It is not a frame-up! Dan's actually not that great of a guy!"
Blair: "Don't be silly. Next you'll be saying he's sexist and judgmental just because he hates women and thinks they're all a little stupid and crazy."
Chuck: "While that may or may not be true, it's important for you to realize that, in a way, it's like we're dueling for you. For your married ass."
Blair: "If you think about it, though, ruining my wedding was pretty effed. Not because of the intent behind it, which will prove to be both obvious and dear, but because you let me blame Chuck and Serena and whoever else my crazy ass felt like blaming from moment to moment. And then not only that, you made my wedding embarrassing, and the invisible paparazzi wolves are all over the place, and also it turned my husband into a stone-cold monster."
Dan: "Yeah, but I meant well."
Blair: "Oh, okay. Then it's fine."
Creeper: "Listen, bitch. Cyrus will never get you out of your prenup..."
Blair: "I don't have time for this, Creeper!"
Creeper: "...But I have an even better plan. You know how I'm in love with your husband?"
Creeper: "And did you know he's in love with me? I'm secretly the chauffeur's daughter in this story?"
Blair: "I figured."
Creeper: "So this way I sweep in, and you're just this embarrassment. By tossing you in there, it makes me look acceptable, because you're such a trainwreck."
Blair: "Whatever works! For the next ten seconds at least, I only have eyes for Humphrey."
Serena: "So anyway, that's PRADA. Sorry for having Nate trick you, but please don't blame him. He's functionally illiterate and just does whatever we say."
Lola: "You are tempting me into believing not all rich people are cunts."
Lily & Carol: "LET US DISABUSE YOU OF THAT NOTION BY FIGHTING OVER LIMOGES AND WHATEVER."
Lola: "Right. I'm out of here."
Ivy: "Hey, Lola! How's tricks?"
Lola: "Hey, girl that stole my identity. Why the fuck are you even here?"
Ivy: "It's an ironic parallel, isn't it? I have a right to be here and they are my family, even though I don't have a right to be here and they all hate me, while you have the opposite things going on."
Lola: "Mostly I just think it's probably best that my Mom sent me down the river in that basket."
Ivy: "On the other hand, she stole all your money and now you're a cater-waiter. At least I was born to be poor and destitute -- you're just selling matches because your mom's a drug addict or whatever."