Wm vdW: "...Rich people stuff, treasures, things..."
Carol: "How come Mom left you everything?"
Lily: "Because she hated me marginally less? You idiot?"
Carol: "Well, you are a high-class hooker that marries creeps for cash."
Lily: "At least I married them, you asshole."
Carol: "On the other hand, all this crap is kind of low-level. Maybe it's just a sign that you were only pretending to love each other, and I'll still get the windfall for honestly just hating her in the open."
Ivy: "That seems unlikely. There's only one person here who was ever even slightly..."
Rhodeses: "If you say Dan Humphrey we will fall on you like dogs."
Wm vdW: "Everything else in the entire world goes to... You."
Carol, recovering quickly: "...You mean Charlie. Lola. My daughter, Charlotte."
Wm vdW: "No, it actually says Ivy Dickens here. Please don't trample my moment."
CeCe: "Please, like any of you idiots could get something like that past me. Considering this my final revenge for having such hateful daughters. Ivy, I really wasn't that hard to love. Please take care of Lola and turn her against the rest of them, so my vengeful plot can be complete."
Charlies: "Done, Grandma!"
Rhodeses: "[A sort of grinding, screeching sound, like a coal-burning freight train throwing sparks.]"
Ivy: "I didn't ask her for anything, I just hung out with her! She was cool!"
Rhodeses: "[A screaming comes across the sky.]"
Ivy: "She was lonely! It is because you are bitches!"
Rhodeses: "[A thousand harpies descend on the ranks of their enemies.]"
Ivy: "You know what, fuck this. You're making an enemy right now."
Rhodeses: "You are a carpetbagger! You tricked and fooled and murdered her!"
Ivy: "First of all, that's ludicrous. The only person I've ever murdered is Max. And secondly, she called my by my name. That icy old queen saw through each and every one of us. She is like those boob cat ladies in NeverEnding Story, and I'm the only one who passed."
Rhodeses: "If only we had integrity."
Ivy: "I am going to ruin both of you for being so mean on what was already a tough day."
Chuck: "I thought all my horrible behavior was my own fault, but now I see we must blame Daniel Humphrey!"
Blair: "...No, honey. You're still accountable. And it's not really about that anyway."
Chuck: "But you're to be annulled! And I am rich and you are poor now! It's genius! I'll never hit you again!"