Charlie, verbatim: "Your Anthropology class is so cool! It's just so interesting how the !Kung tribe treated their women as hunting heroes, while the men, they just... I'm babbling, aren't I?"
Dan: "No! Well, yeah, you are, but enthusiasm is great."
Charlie: "Oh, is it? Then I'm gonna turn my crazy up to 100 right now. I will enthuse the shit out of you, until you are forced to run screaming from the entire city."
Dan: "Rufus was right, once again. I need to get the fuck."
Charlie: "I'm gonna look for books on the !Kung tribe! And books about kidnapping boys."
(Vanessa Abrams steps out from behind a ficus wearing night-vision goggles and a fake mustache, because all she does now is overhear things and then fuck everything up for everybody like a fuckface. It's her job.)
(Now, whenever anybody says the word "Monsignor," don't you just automatically think of Monsignor Gänswein? He's like the Anderson Cooper of Jesus.)
Louis: "Stop trying so hard! But also try so hard! Because my character no longer makes any sense because I keep setting up situations where this is impossible and then saying hell with it. So just do whatever, I guess! Until they get back from safari, and then you should probably change your name."
Blair: "That makes sense."
Louis: "I do have something major to tell you that makes this storyline even more ludicrous. Frankly, I'm embarrassed it slipped my mind."
Blair: "I'm sure I won't see it as a problem. I am 100% total manic right now."
Louis's Mom: "[ Français facil]!"
Blair, awkwardly curtseying: "I'm Blair Waldorf! The person you hate!"
Louis's Mom: "I can't believe you haven't told this trashy girl about your ten possible brides!"
Blair: "Do what?"
Louis: "Yeah, there's going to be a fairytale ball and my ten possible brides will be there, and there's this tree with silver leaves and then a tree with golden leaves and then I think a toad talks to you or something."
Blair: "This is ridic."
Louis: "No, this is how Europe totally is."
Serena: "No problem, Louis's Mom! If there's anything else horrible I can do, just let me know. It should be way easier to sabotage my best friend's one chance at happiness now that we don't have to deal with that pesky NYC/Botswana time difference."