Vanessa stands above a room now full of drunk teenagers playing Connect Four and drawing mustaches on each other, worrying that they've pushed Blair and Nate closer together, but Chuck blows this off. "You just need to relax and trust in the power of our overwhelming sexual chemistry to drive a wedge between them," he says, because he knows Blair better than anybody. Blair runs out of the other wing of the house, and Chuck sends Vanessa to "intercept" Nate, who's rocking the dishabille look of course. She goes as she's told, without thinking twice, like a henchman, and gloat-hisses at Nate that it seems to have gone well. "You wanted to be more like Blair Waldorf? Well, congratulations. You succeeded." DAMN! Vanessa instantly realizes how gross she just got and breathes, still looking gorgeous but now like she might gorgeously barf. GG says the greatest thing, too: "Poor V! Nobody gets what they want without losing something they love... Like their integrity." Well played, show. Vanessa can go anywhere now, because that's all she ever had and now it's gone. That is brilliant.
In the bedroom, Dan's adjusting nicely to his new role in Serena's life, tossing her sex-stained sheets at her just to make her squeal. They laugh, and make the bed with fresh linens. Serena's like, "Can you believe Jenny took a sophisticated soiree and turned it into a teenage rager?" You know what word people don't use enough, Ducky? "Rager." I'm so glad GG is bringing it back. Dan points out that Serena had already remodeled Jenny's "Scrabble and sloppy joe party" into that selfsame sophisticated soiree, but like: back up. Because no. Finding your identity is not a great enough goal to pay a price that high. That's like saying, "Jenny has a point being pissed at you, though. After all, you sabotaged her wedding to that guy on Death Row." Scrabble and sloppy joes, that's hardcore. At that point you're just getting theoretical about shit, like, your next step is a tattoo on your face. "I'm just into, like, Scrabble and sloppy joes" is a cry for help, and Serena was right to save Jenny from that.
Serena says she was -- "on some entirely subconscious level" -- being totally selfish, and at good old dependable Dan's ironic eyebrow of judgment she laughs and admits that it was "somewhat conscious." I love how if they're family, he can pull that shit and it doesn't feel like the death of feminism, because he's just doing something he does twenty times a day, to Rufus and Jenny and Vanessa and whoever, strangers, his betters, so why should Serena be spared? Serena tries to explain how high school her situations have been lately, and Dan points out that they are, in fact, in high school at the moment. Which has nothing to do with the point, so she laughs and changes the subject to how Baby Boomers can't stop shoving their childhoods down our throats at a constant rate, and how on earth can anybody think of high school in a nostalgic way when it's by turns so brutal and so completely stupid.