Dan -- cringing hopefully that it's something his dad might say -- tells her she has the rest of her life to "throw these fabulous society parties," whereas this might be the last time she'll get to "roust naked strangers from making love" on her mattress. She laughs, and Dan admits that there was no point to that speech because: welcome to college. What the fuck is it with Brooklyn people that they think parties are the worst thing in the universe? It's not black magic, it's music, and catered food, some nice conversation, you get laid. What is the problem? Why are they like this?
Eric shows up freaking out for the third or fourth scene in this episode, and after the commercial it's all four kids rushing down to the front door, where scads of GG readers are going nuts and trying to get in. "How was I supposed to know that if I threw you the best party of the year, you would sabotage it?" Jenny tries to return the volley -- "How was I supposed to know how many kids would show up?" -- which isn't a return so much as a concession, but what a dumb rejoinder. "Come to this party at the house of one of the famous people this blog is about! You're welcome!" is not confusing in any way, it is a straightforward invitation to come start a riot. And Serena's complaint, while beside the point now, is still valid, which is: why oh why didn't Jenny just kick up her heels and go make a better party for herself, instead of fucking up what was already there, happening at her dad's girlfriend's house? It's her day, right, so but by that logic, you're suggesting that horrible parties full of horrible people are what she likes, and so she deserved to have one for her day.
Vanya screams at the crazy riot outside that they are parasites and hooligans, and Serena asks him what's going on. Vanya yells about calling the police, but just then the cops show up, and Jenny grabs at Serena protectively, pulling her back from the door. All four kids back up from the door and watch the crowd scatter... Revealing Lily and Rufus. Lily does that sly smirk thing she does when she's pissed off, and Rufus looks hangdog and disappointed like always, and Vanya doffs his cap at them, and the kids are doing awesome things: Dan looks worried like he's going to jail, Jenny's just sad and feeling like a dick, Eric is trying to think of a way to fix everything, and Serena is rolling her eyes and playing with her hair and whistling to herself.
Lily freaks out about the damage to the house, such that Rufus reminds her that while things did get out of hand, the kids are at least okay. She allows that the kids' safety is the first priority, but says that the second most important thing is the apartment, and continues to wig out. She finally focuses on Serena, who immediately puts on her game face and delivers a speech she's been practicing all night. "Mom, I admit I made a few phone calls. If you want to punish someone for the passed hors d'oeuvres, point the finger here. Guilty as charged. But as far as all the people?" Lily scoffs at her gesture toward Jenny: "Oh, and you expect me to believe that Jenny was behind this?" Serena stares at her with a total WTF, because her whole point was to show what a good grown up she's being, and instead she's being held to the standard of Old Serena: lying and causing trouble. "After she had me cancel the best caterer in town because she wanted ... Clue and a crock-pot?" Eric points out that there's a pretty obvious note of distaste in Lily's voice, and S is just pissed and exhausted: "When this family was just me and Eric, if things got out of control it was a pretty safe bet that it was my fault." Eric agrees. "But as this family grows, so does the pool of suspects. This is not my mess." Serena takes her leave and Dan speaks up: "All I did was carry the chili and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex." So awesome. I think I might just unreservedly love Dan as a Bass der Humphrey.