Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
It's My Party & I'll Roam If I Want To

"Serena," says Iz, with a scary smile, and there's a whooshing sound and just like a spinning hubcap where Eric was just standing, because he has no time for Mean Girl shit. They needle Serena about how her party died so quickly, and Hazel congratulates her on accepting "defeat" gracefully. Nelly Yuki explains that Jenny and Penelope were both having parties on the same night, and they agree that they weren't going to really consider it, but at least now they don't have to pretend to be sorry about missing Serena/Jenny's party. Serena gives them that awesome look she has for Mean Girl shit, the one eyebrow of reflexive arrogance that serves her so well usually, and they rush off to crawl all over Penelope about her party.

Serena calls Poppy up immediately to ask for help crushing Penelope's party into dust, ironic because she wants to make her party a grownup party for total high school reasons, and GG throws some Marie Antoinette on those bitches: "Spotted: S, learning the answer to the age-old question, 'What if you were throwing a party, and no one cared?' When that happens, don't cancel. Make them eat cake!" Which is the second oblique reference to Marie in this latest batch of episodes, but it makes sense: she pretty much patented that Serena mix of wanting everything to be awesome while not giving a shit, and paid for it.

Vanessa's insults to fashion, they number three: skin-tight acid-washed-looking pants, going into oversized rawhide boots that look like a cowboy shit out Fizzgig, all under what would be a cute black peacoat if it didn't have these giant silver balls barfed all over it but ends up instead looking like a Batman villain, and a vinyl puke-purple diaper-bag purse as big as a VW. Any of these things alone would be okay -- except the jacket, which is just insupportable -- but all together like this, she looks like she's about to chase Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore through the forest of Stupid-Ass Toys.

Even GG is confused about why V's even on the UES, as she spots Blair and Nate hugging good morning, or what looks like goodbye, and he's wearing his uniform. So the Brooklynites made it to the UES by eight AM, and I guess nobody has to be at school until at least a leisurely 8:30, okay, but then why were Eric and Serena and the Plastics already at school when everybody else is fucking around? I have go to stop caring about this. So Nate sips his coffee and goes inside, and V's looking like a dead person until Chuck drives up in his limo and admits that he sent the invitation email from Nate's account -- hilariously, he can do this because Nate's password has been "soccer" since fifth grade -- so that she would come running and see what he believes is Blair and Nate hooking up.

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Gossip Girl




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