Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
It's My Party & I'll Roam If I Want To

"Look, Blair leaves his place at this time every morning. When you're ready to do something about it, you know where I am." Which is where? What does that even mean? What does effing Vanessa even do all day besides sneak around and sell artsy coffee? GG even feels a little bad for Vanessa, whose day was so sad she showed up at Dan's house to whine about it before the school day began, then good, and now is bad again, and for once the stalking and spying isn't even her fault. But of course we know, or will soon, that Blair's just trying to tempt Nate into thinking they're already dating, so again you have the pinball effect going into overdrive in the most delicious ways.

At the end of the school day, Chuck worms up to Blair at the Constance lockers, calling Blair + Nate "A bit Been There Done That, Got Dumped Twice." (You know what's a bit "Been There, Done That"? Using the phrase "Been There, Done That." Wait until next week, when Chuck instructs someone to Talk To His Hand. That shit is going to sweep the nation, I guarantee it.) Blair tells him their relationship is "purely platonic," and Chuck whines, hurt, that he sees her at Nate's every morning. B says if he were any good at this newfound stalking hobby he'd know that she's bringing Nate breakfast. Not even a kiss, yet.

Chuck grins triumphantly, with his good boy hair, that "friends" is perfect, because she and Nate have no "spark." (Actually, the way that he phrases it is incredibly smart, writing-wise -- "There's no spark between you two, never was" -- because it brings it back around to the thing she and Nate kept saying last season about how they've always loved each other and always will. Isn't that clever?) He calls the pairing "a green twig and a soggy match" and "a rusty hammer and an icy nail," and B kind of loses it, yelling that she and Nate have had in the past not only spark but fireworks even. Chuck nods, pretty sexy for a second: "That was us." Well done. She slams her locker and gets real.

"Chuck. Don't act like I didn't fight for you. I did. Hard, and for a long time. So please, forgive me if now that we're over, I'm exhausted." Seriously. I mean, she's doing this because she needs to know how things turn out, and she's planned her life with Nate so many times over the past decade, watched that movie so many times she dreamt about it, and because she's still staring right into the abyss, but she does make a solid point nonetheless. Of course, from Chuck's viewpoint this is all crap, because in fact she's just being lazy and hidebound after last week's flirtation with minor rudeness, and he knows that she will only come back to him if he pulls the right Jenga piece as far as the support (or belief) system she's so hastily putting together, because that's always when she comes to him: when she's got nothing else to hold onto.

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Gossip Girl




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