Anyway, security takes Chuck away, in what I think is the fifteenth stupid plan Bart has easily -- easily -- overcome in this episode, which again: You had to engineer such dipshit plans in order for him to overcome them? You had to make the characters even stupider than usual, so he'd have something on them? You couldn't just write a brilliant scheme and then an even more brilliant solution? Not in the wheelhouse this season, huh. That's fine. That's cool, bro. I just remember a time when the shittiness of a Serena Plan actually proved a point, rather than simply making it easier for everybody to call it a day.
Bart: "Sorry about that outburst! As many of you know, my son is a drug addicted bisexual rapist, just like my brother. I'll be sending him straight to the Ostroff Memorial Pedowitz Institute, in case anybody wonders why he suddenly vanished today."
Bart showers Dan with some of that Bass fatherly disapproval he's been horny for since Season One, and it tastes good. So good, in fact, that he has the balls to look over at Blair and be like, "Hey girl, I did that for you. I changed one word of a speech, all for you."
Blair: "I mean, you're clearly still the worst. But thanks for doing that amazing move of changing one word of a speech. That was real heroic of you."
Dan: "I know, baby. Now tell Serena, okay? Wait, where is she?"
Blair: "I don't fucking know, my OTP just came back from the dead. You deal with yours. You deal with your business."
Dan: "PS, she's moving to LA. And yeah, I just did that in the same super shitty way Bart did to me earlier. I regret nothing."
Blair: "Speaking as a woman with zero sense of self who only exists to serve her man, I can already tell this is somehow all about you."
Bart: "Anyway, random white guys, thanks for celebrating me."
Captain: "Bart! I am here! How dare you prosecute my son for the crimes he actually did?"
Bart: "You're an idiot."
Captain: "Let me buy your interest in the magazine or whatever it is, and then magically he won't have committed fraud."
Bart: "Fine. One hundred billion million kazillion dollars."
Bart: "Then I guess your dad really doesn't love you, Nate. YOU BOTH JUST GOT BARTED."