Gossip Girl
The Revengers

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Beyond The Goblin City
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Serena was the victim of Dan Humphrey's 97th heel-turn, and yet still has the balls to act offended by the fact that he's a douchebag, or when people point out what a douchebag he is. Blair was the victim of Chuck Bass's 97th dating fatwa, and yet still has the balls to act shocked that he won't fuck her, or when people point out that his excuses for refusing to fuck her have now surpassed his all-time low point, where he pretended to be a crippled French amnesiac to avoid fucking her.

Chuck was the victim of his undead father's retaliations, and yet still has the balls to act like he's not begging for it, and be constantly amazed when the bear he's poking with a stick for no reason takes a swat at him. Nate was the continued victim of Bart's transparent manipulation because Nate is a moron who got his ethics from his flaky dad and his addictive personality from his flaky mom. Lily finally realized that her murderous ex-husband has no problem beating the shit out of her and/or killing her, so she left town entirely, even though that's still only technically worse than being married to Rufus.

After impersonating first Lola and then Serena and then trying to take over the lives of first CeCe and then Lily, Ivy has effectively become every character on the entire show, ending with Vanessa, which is why she just split up with everybody's dad on the entire show -- Rufus -- to run off with the other person who is everybody's dad on this entire show -- Dr. Wm vdW -- because in addition to being everybody but herself, she is also a sad-sackin' fucker of dads.


One last Audrey dream before the lights come up, I suppose. It's the orange-passing scene from Charade, where Audrey falls in love with Cary Grant over a game of Suck & Blow, so Chuck and Blair do that, and then she passes to the next person, which is Bart Bass wearing glasses. He looks like Rusty Trawler with tuberculosis. I wanna march him over to the zoo and feed him to the yak.

Bart: "Didn't Charles tell you, Mrs. Bass? Any morning now, he could wake up dead. Dead, Mrs. Bass, like last week's news!"

Blair springs into action because her oddly straightforward dreams have never been wrong before.


Dan, having finally found a check-cashing place for his VF windfall, has discovered the perfect apartment. Also, two things the show never bothered to tell us until this week: The sequel he's been selling piecemeal to the internet is called Inside Out, which is clever, and he's already sold the option, which is why he is flush.

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