I'm not gonna lie. I burst into tears, I had to hit pause and watch this a few times. Well played. But I guess it was always going to happen that I would be undone, first and last, by Charlie Trout. Of all the things this show had to say, about class and about sex and about privilege and about money, Charlie Trout was the only one they never once fucked up. Came close with Jenny, but even that was one of the more movingly honest stories they ever did, so it works out. It was even worth bringing Bart back for him, I think. I never stopped believing in him. I will never stop.
Daniel: "...Charles Bass. Thank you."
...At which point it goes to hell. Because he has had it, after a long day of being blown up, Chuck can't do much more than just stand at the podium screaming about his dad kills everybody and has murdered everybody and tried to kill him and murder him and is a bad dad and blah blah blah. Like, you should say, "I was nearly the victim of a murder plot this afternoon intended to preserve the secrecy of certain transactions with the Sudanese government which break federal law." The one time that boring shit would actually help, because people would be like, "This is a very unsensational psychotic break, maybe he's telling the truth." When you start in all like, "The CIA knows that I know about the aliens!" like this, nobody can hear you or care.
Anyway, security takes Chuck away, in what I think is the fifteenth stupid plan Bart has easily -- easily -- overcome in this episode, which again: You had to engineer such dipshit plans in order for him to overcome them? You had to make the characters even stupider than usual, so he'd have something on them? You couldn't just write a brilliant scheme and then an even more brilliant solution? Not in the wheelhouse this season, huh. That's fine. That's cool, bro. I just remember a time when the shittiness of a Serena Plan actually proved a point, rather than simply making it easier for everybody to call it a day.
Bart: "Sorry about that outburst! As many of you know, my son is a drug addicted bisexual rapist, just like my brother. I'll be sending him straight to the Ostroff Memorial Pedowitz Institute, in case anybody wonders why he suddenly vanished today."
Bart showers Dan with some of that Bass fatherly disapproval he's been horny for since Season One, and it tastes good. So good, in fact, that he has the balls to look over at Blair and be like, "Hey girl, I did that for you. I changed one word of a speech, all for you."