Blair: "I mean, you're clearly still the worst. But thanks for doing that amazing move of changing one word of a speech. That was real heroic of you."
Dan: "I know, baby. Now tell Serena, okay? Wait, where is she?"
Blair: "I don't fucking know, my OTP just came back from the dead. You deal with yours. You deal with your business."
Dan: "PS, she's moving to LA. And yeah, I just did that in the same super shitty way Bart did to me earlier. I regret nothing."
Blair: "Speaking as a woman with zero sense of self who only exists to serve her man, I can already tell this is somehow all about you."
Bart: "Anyway, random white guys, thanks for celebrating me."
Captain: "Bart! I am here! How dare you prosecute my son for the crimes he actually did?"
Bart: "You're an idiot."
Captain: "Let me buy your interest in the magazine or whatever it is, and then magically he won't have committed fraud."
Bart: "Fine. One hundred billion million kazillion dollars."
Bart: "Then I guess your dad really doesn't love you, Nate. YOU BOTH JUST GOT BARTED."
Serena: "Today has been fucking trying, no? But nice one, finding happiness and all that."
Blair: "Were you really going to split town without telling me? Because the last time you did that, my dad turned gay and I got bulimia."
Serena: "I don't actually care about anything or anybody, though. I just gotta get outta here. Beyond this Goblin City full of Goblins and Humphreys, which is the Scottish word for Goblins."
Blair: "Season One finale you kept me from getting on a helicopter by saying that the scandal always blows over. I'm sure that holds true even in this completely unrelated, not-at-all-parallel circumstance."
Serena: "Hee, hee! You thought you were pregnant from two different gay guys! But you weren't! And I wasn't either!"
Blair: "I'm glad we're in a place where we can joke about me being pregnant with Chuck's baby and then it turns out I'm not. Anyway, just think about it."
Serena: "Places to Be, baby. If I don't leave now, California could be in a completely different place by the time I get there."
UPSTAIRS ON THE ROOF
Bart: "Stop hitting Ignore on calls from Blair and talk to me, son. Why do you keep pulling this shit?"