Bart: "Fine. Just take everything Dan has been saying about Serena, and cross-apply. I'm awful to you because I love you, and I thought blowing up a plane with you inside it would finally make you a man."
Fisticuffs. Hidden chest hair. The whole episode veers in a very strange direction, where the music sounds like a carnival or Teletubbies and the camera's on mollies and everybody's just kind of slip-slidin' around and Blair shows up just in time to see Chuck -- HILARIOUSLY ENOUGH -- punch his father so hard that he goes sailing through the air like motherfucking Crouching Tiger and ends up hanging off the roof.
Bart: "I ask for so little! Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want..."
Chuck: "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here..."
Bart: "-- Just fear me, love me, do as I say. And I will be your slave."
Chuck: "No! For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great!"
Blair and Chuck stare at him for a while, just hanging over Lincoln Square. She thinks about powering up, doesn't. He thinks about eldritch magic, doesn't bother. Oldman Skullface, you just got SKRANNNNGed. Chilly down, motherfucker.
Bart: "I love you! I would never hurt you! I am your father and you are awesome! I really respect you right now!"
Until he drops.
Bart, falling through the air: "Jayyyyyyyy kayyyyyyy you are a faaaaaaag!"
And then he is dead.
Blair tosses her interests overboard one last time, going on the lam with her lover and eventually submitting to a fake wedding at Bethesda Terrace, which used to be a Serena thing but is now just whatever, while everybody else gets ready for the end of the episode and Kristen Bell and the big reveal and the time jump into the future, and everybody comes home. Except Vanessa.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife and Homeland for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this month on Tor.com.