POINTLESS SAGE SCENE
Sage: "I'm Sage! I'm on this show kind of!"
Nate: "I'm Nate! I have to go talk to Bart now!"
(And so it goes.)
Serena: "Listen, I need an apartment and a job in LA. I am getting the fuck out of New York. A thing I have tried in literally every episode of this entire show, and not once has it worked."
Phone Person: "Sure, I'll set you up with a house and job in the competitive film industry. With your lack of qualifications and bloodbath of a work history it should be a snap."
Serena: "Okay and that needs to happen by tomorrow."
PP: "No problem!"
Blair: "Why are there diaphanous scarves and purses inside of purses everywhere? Are you moving?"
Serena: "When have I ever tried that? Don't be silly."
Blair: "I'm going to assume this is some kind of post-Humphrey purge instead of using what I know about you, my lifelong best friend, to connect the dots. Listen, do you want to be part of a dangerous undercover scheme that will get us all killed?"
Serena: "Tell me more. But start at the beginning because I don't actually give a shit about you guys and I never really pay attention."
(And so it goes.)
Serena: "Oh, making Ivy a human sacrifice? I'm in. Didn't really need all the boring backstory as it turns out."
Blair: "But it could be really difficult to get her here, considering she's on the run from Bart Bass and her phone is disconnected and also we all hate her and we're constantly trying to fuck up her life..."
Serena: "No, I bet she's at the most obvious place she always goes when she's on the run. VITAMIN WATER estates, her Hamptons hideaway."
Serena: "Ivy! Hey girl! It's Serena!"
Ivy: "I know who this is, bitch. I have caller ID money now."
Serena: "Is it the '90s already? Anyway, can we have lunch right now at the Oak Room?"
Ivy: "Is this a trap?"
Serena: "No way, friendo!"
Ivy: "Cool. See you in five seconds."
Ivy: "Dear Wm vdW, I'm going into the city so your daughter can fuck me up. Love, your teenage piece of ass you don't actually care about, who is still just this desperate to be loved by like one Rhodes Woman, even though the best one already loved me so much she cut everybody else out of her will, and now I have more money than anyone has ever had. Please do not tell her that we are fucking, because she will try to kill me, which I know because it is obvious, and also because that's how Lola died."