OAK RM (EXT)
Nate: "Bart, I stole Chuck's phone for you. See, using this Windows 8 (TM) technology with Live Tiles (R) we can readily see all the information we need to know about his life. He had breakfast! He has a meeting later! It's all here on these Live Tiles (R). But listen, are you as bored as I am?"
Bart, verbatim: "My ennui is of no concern to you. I will not be caught off-guard by Chuck's antics while I'm being feted at tonight's event."
Nate: "When you talk like that, it is clear you are a villain. Speaking of subtlety, this one Live Tile (R) just says, Bart Takedown Conference with Ivy Dickens. Hmm, that seems like a clue. Doesn't it? Doesn't that seem like a clue?"
Bart: "You just signed your death warrant, Pretty."
OAK RM (INT)
Ivy is disgusted, if not exactly surprised, to see Serena has been joined by Chuck, Blair and Nate at the bar of the Oak Room.
Ivy: "You mean this isn't a girl time lunch? I feel dumb."
Blair: "Prepare to feel a whole lot dumber, bitch."
Spoke too soon. The thing about not going to college is you might make mistakes about history, such as thinking there was at some point a medieval war between the Byzantine Army and dragons:
Blair, verbatim: "We need you to be the goat. Don't tell me you've never studied medieval warfare! When the Byzantines wanted to lure a dragon from its cave, they tied a goat to a stick."
Chuck, helpfully: "It's a metaphor."
Ivy: "Oh, is it? Because it sounds like retarded nonsense."
Blair: "Anyway, we need you to help us trick Bart Bass into murdering all of us. We won't be safe until that happens."
Ivy: "Okay, I'm in."
Kind of awesomely, Serena puts her Amazon strength into snatching Ivy's phone and forcing her to answer it, just as Bart's calling.
Ivy: "Hey, Bart! I'm at the Oak Room. Come murder me on my phone so I can record it."
Bart: "Sounds good! Psych, this plan was idiotic."
The cops bust in and arrest Nate for his frauds, causing Gossip Girl to toss around some puns and Blair to make a fascinating "dismayed" face.
By the way, everybody looks fantastic but especially Blair looks fantastic this week. Oh yeah, and Georgina is wearing Thunderdome clothes, with actual spikes coming out of the shoulders like a Fallout 3 Raider, while Ivy opts for a Vampire Lady look complete with Urban Decay purply-black lipstick like you might have seen in one of Lily's many childhood eras. Everybody looks bonks and it's so, so great.