But who are they, these Revengers? Georgina is the Hulk because you just never know, and because she is angry all the time even when you can't tell. Ivy Dickens is Black Widow because why are you here and why won't you stop talking like that. Serena is Thor for one million reasons, obviously. Or Pepper Potts, since clearly Blair is Iron Man. Captain America will forever be Nate Archibald, and Carter Baizen is already in real life the very sexy Bucky Barnes. Chuck can be Dr. Strange because he's so weird and because he has doings with the Elder Gods of yore, like, all the time. (And also: An alcoholic.)
Dan is Ant-Man, because Ant-Man hit a lady like one time and that's all anybody knows about Ant-Man, so he's this poster child for lady-hating. Just like Dan. Oh, and she was a WASP, just like the Rhodes Women that Humphreys hate the best. (J/K she was like an actual wasp. La Vespa. See? It all makes sense.)
Who's left? Crossbow Guy, which Sage can totally be Crossbow Guy because just like Sage is horrible, his face is horrible. Jeremy Renner is the banana peel of the internet. You're going along just fine, lookin' at things, lookin' at Tumblr, checkin' on your tweets, and then WHOOPS! You just saw Jeremy Renner's face, you are fucked.
Serena: "Bart! Congratz. Listen, Lily wanted me to tell you that she's sorry she can't be here, but hopefully you'll be in jail before she comes back so you can attack her physically again."
Bart: "I don't care. I fuck demons. I fuck the Red Priestess until shadow creatures come out of her nethers. I don't need your mom for that."
Serena: "Whoa, check out that slideshow! It's that incredibly important and damning photograph somebody gave Chuck where you're ... walking into a building."
Bart: "And as usual, I will now go ass-crazy about it even though it is a banal photograph containing no actual information."
He doesn't get too far, though.
Georgina: "Program for the evening? It really sets off your skull face and made-from-real-human-skin complexion."
Bart: "Well, thank you. It's actually kinda hard to look this much like a dead person given unnatural life."
Georgina: "You'll especially enjoy the double-page spread that is just pictures of horses."
Bart: "And as usual, I will now go ass-crazy about the existence of horses. Man, why did I ever commission that oil painting of a horse I murdered? I don't know who you are, but I am very mad at you. Who else has seen this banal program containing no information?"