So Blair jumps in and starts apologizing for the DNA test, and Elizabeth throws the whole "I shoulda known you'd never let me in, you're Bart's son," and bounces. And what's Chuck supposed to do? He's already ashamed in front of his mother, Charlie's got nothing to say. He tells Blair fuck it, they'll drop the sample off on the way, and she bounces and says she'll just meet him there. And GG is like, "everybody thinks Bass is an Ass," but like... This is only a problem because he thought of it this week? It's the first thing he should have done. If he didn't do it the second she showed up, you never should have brought it up, because now he looks dumb and everybody else looks like they're overreacting. And honestly, DNA results don't take five minutes, so you could have had this scene back when Elizabeth was jumping through the hundred other hoops and still have him get the results and play Jack's game in this episode. It's just such an uneasy mix of Now and this ineffable Then, which usually is the dynamite recipe of this show.

Lily tries, at the Historical Society, to get Serena to act human: Fail. Serena manages to call her a ho and say the amazing line, "Save your lies for your current husband" before running off to be mean to somebody else's mom. But luckily, Charlie appears! With that huge beautiful smile on his face once again! He throws his arms around his real-real mom, Lily, and thanks her for showing up and bringing UES society to the gala or whatever. She says none of them in this world believe the slander, and he's honestly moved and touched and delighted and wonderful. And I know part of it is the fishiness of Elizabeth partially making him treat her like a human being, but it's so, so gorgeous to actually see, because Lily and Charles have always had one of the healthiest relationships on this show and when they don't interact it makes me feel lonely. She pushes gently about Blair -- and the "someone else" she was hoping to meet -- but when he says he's flying solo tonight she nods, and breathes: So is she.