Serena and Nate pause in fucking each other just long enough to get and read the latest in a series of hysterical texts from Rufus, and S explains that dating Damien is a bad idea because -- she forgot to mention -- he is a sexual aggressor who tried to feel her up in the coatcheck at the French Ambassador's moments before she and Nate fucked in the coatcheck at the French Ambassador's. Nate cutely goes, "Um, whaaaa?" which, I would imagine the things they forget to tell each other results in that sound on a nearly constant basis. "You know what's most attractive about a bad boy?" she asks -- Nate clams up so fast it's like she showed him a picture of Chuck's junk in front of him and started demanding explanations -- and explains that Rufus's rules and regs are driving Jenny "right into Damien's creepy arms." And then the words I love to hear the most coming out of Serena's firmly set mouth: "I'm not gonna let that happen."

Because you know what that means? SERENA PLAN! Dooood. When Serena has a plan, my whole world turns to sunshine and roses and the most wonderful sense of adventure. Maybe this time she'll wear a cat burglar outfit! Or nose-and-glasses! Or turn on a whole new bad accent and wander around with a martini glass like Mata Hari! Or she can get a trenchcoat and carry Nate on her giant shoulders and they can pretend to be a very tall policeman or health inspector! You just never know!

Also getting mid-sex texts from Rufus are, of course, Dan and Vanessa, who continue to be the best couple on the show somehow, and Dan doesn't want to take the call because he wants to keep Vanessa his dirty secret. Vanessa -- in her wildly awesome zebra bra -- is of course insulted by this, and makes him take the call, and everybody mobilizes I guess to look for Jenny and her gross boyfriend.

Damien's heading for the fingerbang when Jenny jumps across the room because she needs to study Latin. This storyline is really well done. So he's like, "Latin is a dead language! We are much alive! Look how much makeup I can wear!" He floats the idea that she's the obvious virgin that she is, and she gets all Humphrey about this obviously true fact, and he says they can take it slow and caresses her face and shows off his chest and looks not as bad as usual with mussed-up first-base hair, and she adorably tells him she likes the "first time" with each and every one of the many men she's had and cast aside to be special. He pretends this is not an obvious ruse, and invites her to sneak back out tonight when Rufus is asleep so they can "take it slow," and she cutely goes, "Um, it's on, Dalgaard!" GG's like, "Little J! Losing the Big V! Also something that would kill Rufus!"