Jenny's like, "In a totally different and less creepy way, that sounds great! Because I am in love with Nate!" And Nate's like, "At this lunch: Should we eat food? What foods do you eat? Will you tie my shoes for me?"

Uncle Goatee sliiiides on up to Chuck at the bar, giggling about the protestors' signs and how many sex puns you can make from the letters "Chuck Bass." He gives some glad-handing It's gonna be okay nonsense, and Chuck points out how, obviously, this is Jack's game. Jack protests that no, he's there to protect Chuck from Fake Mommy, who Jack himself saw in her casket when she died. "I get why you'd fall for all this, what with your mommy issues, all those abnormal attachments to your babysitters... Didn't help that I was nailing 'em, huh?" (WHOA!) He offers to swing by the dedication tonight and take a look at this supposed Evelyn, with whom he never got along anyway. "I've never seen a ghost before!" he chortles, and slimes away again.

In the next room, he slithers into B, who calls him a "bloodsucking reptile," which is not a thing, and a "lying ooze," which is awesome, and he says he can't take the credit for this little scheme, but that reservations are down twenty percent already. He kisses her hand, freezing her in midair -- "I've already had everything of Chuck's worth having," he smarms, and she shivers -- and takes off again. Chuck and Blair lock eyes in the lobby and it's really uncomfortable and sad. Her whole body is like an electrified puppet.

S lights candles somewhere and tells Nate not to worry, her incredibly stupid plan is going to rule: She has invited Damien for lunch, with her giant breasts as the entrée, and then by some inexplicable split-second timing, Nate and Jenny will walk in on his advances. SERENA PLAN! The dialogue is second only to that line of Rufus's a minute ago:

Nate: "This sounds absurd."
Serena: "Blair and Chuck do it all the time!"

God bless. So Nate thinks they should call Rufus, and S knows that won't work because getting grounded is the key to becoming a ho in reaction to being grounded, and she tells him 45 minutes on the dot just as Damien enters.

Meanwhile that other braintrust, the Humphrey Men, are discussing the sociology of how probably Jenny is just into forbidden vampires like Damien, and Rufus gets the third best line: "If he were a vampire, I could slip garlic in her waffles! Not that she'd eat them!" Dan laughs at his funny, cute dad, and Rufus tries to find out who Daniel's boning. He lies by truthing about how he's been sleeping over at Vanessa's all the time, and Rufus is like, "Tell the truth!" But Dan's too Dan-like, and then Vanessa walks in and Rufus jumps on her like a humping golden retriever about how much he needs his family with him while he faces the Jabberwocky of Jenny's sexuality, and Vanessa is totally family, like a sister to them, and Dan gets déjà vu about that, and Vanessa is of course blind to the awkwardness because if for one second she could see awkwardness she would be undone utterly.