Gossip Girl
The Sixteen-Year-Old Virgin

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
When Concubine Met Catamite

Because you know what that means? SERENA PLAN! Dooood. When Serena has a plan, my whole world turns to sunshine and roses and the most wonderful sense of adventure. Maybe this time she'll wear a cat burglar outfit! Or nose-and-glasses! Or turn on a whole new bad accent and wander around with a martini glass like Mata Hari! Or she can get a trenchcoat and carry Nate on her giant shoulders and they can pretend to be a very tall policeman or health inspector! You just never know!

Also getting mid-sex texts from Rufus are, of course, Dan and Vanessa, who continue to be the best couple on the show somehow, and Dan doesn't want to take the call because he wants to keep Vanessa his dirty secret. Vanessa -- in her wildly awesome zebra bra -- is of course insulted by this, and makes him take the call, and everybody mobilizes I guess to look for Jenny and her gross boyfriend.

Damien's heading for the fingerbang when Jenny jumps across the room because she needs to study Latin. This storyline is really well done. So he's like, "Latin is a dead language! We are much alive! Look how much makeup I can wear!" He floats the idea that she's the obvious virgin that she is, and she gets all Humphrey about this obviously true fact, and he says they can take it slow and caresses her face and shows off his chest and looks not as bad as usual with mussed-up first-base hair, and she adorably tells him she likes the "first time" with each and every one of the many men she's had and cast aside to be special. He pretends this is not an obvious ruse, and invites her to sneak back out tonight when Rufus is asleep so they can "take it slow," and she cutely goes, "Um, it's on, Dalgaard!" GG's like, "Little J! Losing the Big V! Also something that would kill Rufus!"

Elizabeth is just tickled over the obsequiousness of New York w/r/t her baby boy, and he points out that for e.g. Turnbull & Asser, it's prompted by his teen love of the place: "Prince William and I practically put the manager's daughter through college." (Internet jackholes who can't wait to make incredible and pointless statements meant to show their knowledge of All Things New York and Luxury... Go!) Blair brings up the dinner, shoving Chuck into position to invite Elizabeth to come to the event -- a gallery dedication -- and meet Lily into the bargain. Both of which, he acknowledges, might be dealbreakers. It's so sweet and scary how halting and fluttery he's now getting about watching the moms click into place. Elizabeth makes his day/scares him to death when she squeals that she's delighted to come. Well, "squeals" in the same non-applicable way as you could ever imagine weirdo Elizabeth playing squash.

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Gossip Girl




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