Serena's phone rings, and Blair spills. "Hey S, it's B. Two things. First, I'm sorry about Dan, about the Gossip Girl blast, and about not telling you about Nate. You were just so hard on me about Chuck I didn't want to be judged for sleeping with them both." Serena understands, of course, and accepts her apology immediately, knowing that the storm is breaking. "That was fast. If I were you, I would've made me work for it a little bit harder." Serena laughs, because truer words were never spoken, and she grins that Blair's suffered enough today. We'll see. "...And second thing," Blair rushes, over Serena's protest that they're on like thing five, "I took the test. I'm not pregnant." They get goofy, in their separate locations, and Serena almost weeps with joy for her. "Oh, I am so happy. I would have had no idea what to wear to a paternity hearing!" They agree on a clean slate, and Serena sighs hugely, relieved.
Blair breezes past Chuck, smoking outside school, and he makes a show of dropping the butt. "Oh, don't stop on my account." He smirks that secondhand smoke is bad for the baby, and she tells him the good news. "So goodbye, mistake so far in my past I can hardly remember." He reaches out for her, and she orders him not to touch her. "Look, if you were gonna tell Nate, you would have done so in Monaco. But you don't want him to hate you, and you know he would. Game over." He protests weakly that the game's not over until he says so. "Then have fun playing with yourself," she says, and stalks off. Chuck actually looks fairly bereft, for the second it takes to produce his phone. "GG. S not pregnant, covering for Blair. Same B whose sheets were rumpled by two guys in one week." And he heads inside.
Dan stutters and wriggles and acts insane, trying to get Serena situated in their romantic picnic in the park. He covers her with a blanket: "This will be better to keep you warm," he says, weirdly, and offers her some...ginger ale. "I brought this for us. We can have a nice little drink." He's so adorable right now. She makes the talk-talky hand at him, and notes that he's babbling, and he goes in for take three. "I'm sorry. I... It's just... I don't know. In the short time we've known each other, you've become really important to me. I've been struggling to find a way to tell you... Struggling now..." He looks great, actually, and of course her notebook flies open in the wind, scattering her lit paper all over the place. She goes running all over while Dan stares, and some random dude in a Burberry hat helps her out. Of course, she gleams at the guy and gives her best Serena van der Woodsen smile: "I love you! Thank you!" Dan chokes, hilariously, and she comes back to him, but he backs down again, offering to proofread it for her. Of course, nobody ever "struggled to find the words" to say this, but she has a vested interest in not pursuing the truth, so they dig into their picnic instead.
The music gets super-scary as Chuck's little gossip bomb finally hits. Kati and Iz are scandalized and can't wait to show Jenny. "Looks like the virgin queen isn't as pure as she pretended to be. Who's your daddy, B? Baby daddy, that is. Two guys in one week? Talk about doing the nasty... Or should I just say being nasty?" Nate loses his mind, although whether it's due to GG's torturous syntax and puns, or because his girlfriend totally dogged him, I don't know. Jenny watches Blair walk through the courtyard crowd in slow-motion, watches her phone go off, watches her read the news about herself. The background chatter is kind of amazing: "Oh, my God. You know she's right about this. Oh God, there she is. What a total hypocrite. Who does she think she is? Pot calling the kettle black much? I never thought she was a virgin anyway. Oh, I can see a bump! What a bitch. Oh my God, she is such a whore. Try keeping your legs closed for a change, Blair. She cheated on Nate? Does Nate know?" Blair gets smaller and smaller, but rallies herself sufficiently to ask Kati and Iz if they've seen Nate. They can barely meet her eyes; she continues to search for him.