Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Dancing Barefoot
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Someone calling herself UES4Ever, implausibly, has written to Gossip Girl, implausibly, to ask the following question: "What's the difference between gossip and scandal?" And I think that GG attempts to answer this question, but she goes to that vague Carrie Bradshaw place she sometimes goes, so I don't know. "Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day's worth of buzz, but in order for gossip to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place: take one It Girl on a pedestal..." Some bitch standing like three inches away snaps about a billion pictures of Serena, who is fully comparison shopping for a pregnancy test.

Serena doesn't notice, of course, even though she keeps throwing sneaky looks all over the place as if she doesn't want anybody taking pictures of her comparison shopping for pregnancy tests, but doesn't investigate the twitchy tweener right in front of her, taking pictures with a nasty TMZ glee in her eyes. This is the kind of thing I am talking about. She's so pretty but she just doesn't get it. The news passes from phone to gadget to object, and various scenarios play out: some girl is like, "That guy almost made me spill my coff-- S is pregnant?" Some prep dudes are getting stoned in Central Park and stoner-laughing at their cell phones, people are colliding into each other seemingly at random, so perturbed are they by Serena's pregnancy, the usual: "...Add a crowd eager to see her fall, and give them the means to knock her down."

Meanwhile in DUMBO, Little Jenny Humphrey is screaming like somebody just stabbed her literally in the face. It's a pretty awesome scream. Because they all live on top of each other in a rathole, of course, Dan and Rufus come running all two steps into her room. Spotting Rufus, Jenny adorably regains her composure and explains: "I was just testing my screaming? To see its screaming efficiency." Dan's hands flutter with some vapors or something, and Rufus is like, "What are you hiding?" They try to crack her security parameters, which consist mainly of flailing, and she protests that they're invading her privacy, which Dan points out is nonexistent, because they all live in a single tiny room full of waffles and self-righteousness. Dan and Rufus lock eyes and then carry her bodily away from the screen, while she levels with her brother that he's going to regret it, and Serena's pregnancy is revealed. Rufus and Dan commence freaking out and Jenny bounces.

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Gossip Girl

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