A week later Dan and Blair have cooked an Empire dinner for the NJBC, and there's a funny about how Nate enjoys pretending to be middle class until you have to clean up, so can they call housekeeping now? Blair says no, Nate still has to clean up. Chuck's off the hook because it's his hotel, and now he's going to New Zealand to enjoy "a taste of summer, and girls who like sex games in the rainforest." Dan wheedles his boyfriend Nate into helping clear the table -- it's awesome -- and Serena ignores a call from CeCe, who is calling on Lily's behalf. She's in Montecito, and while Rufus will be joining her, he'll be doing it in a separate car, thank you very goddamn much.
Since Lily is refusing -- refusing -- to help Ben get out of jail, Serena's going to drive upstate to find the judge that signed the false affidavit, and invites Dan along for the drive. In other news, Serena has called Dean Reuther up on the phone and "explained" about how she quit school a few minutes before going on a bender that ended in her near-death, so of course she got back into Columbia. "She was not happy, but she did reinstate me," Serena says, as if... I dunno. If I were Dean Reuther I would put out a hit on Serena's life at this point and yet no matter how many times she says "YOUR DRAMA IS NOT WELCOME" she keeps letting S back in. To take her one class and one short seminar she loves so much. Dean Reuther is a complex elixir I'm not sure I'll ever understand. Or maybe Nate was right: Maybe drama is Serena's way of ensuring you'll never let her go.
"Goodbye, friends," says Chuck at the door, and after a beat, "Dan," he nods. Heh. Blair offers to walk Chuck out, having noted the proximity of New Zealand to Australia and thus to Uncle Jack. Deal with the devil, or an enemy-of-my-enemy situation? Um, it's both. Dude, you cannot be serious this time. He fucked your mother into being brainwashed, if you recall. Slept with Blair to mess with you and then bought her, expressly and precisely for the sole purpose of sinking your relationship. He is obsessed specifically with you, destroying you, owning you, overwhelming you, messing with you. If he goes to Jack at this point it's going to be an amazing shitstorm indeed, and I cannot wait.