Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I'm Secretly On Your Side

Another holiday, a fresh new way for Rufus Humphrey to dork out. This time it's with some fresh Vampire Weekend song playing, which just about completes the picture. He's assigning everybody duties, and Eric and Jenny are still pretending they're allies, and Little J will be cooking but not eating the sweet potatoes, and Eric points out that the vdDubs are godless heathens and have no Thanksgiving traditions other than being exposed as past mental institution inmates.

...Unless you count Serena ruining everything, which she will be doing this year -- Lily informs us -- by volunteering at a soup kitchen with the good Congressman she's not doing it with. Also, if you care and I know that you do not, Pilot Inspektor is spending the holidays with his real family on the Cape. And CeCe, finally, will not be attending because she is dying as she has been doing for the last three years, because what began as a practical joke to force Serena to attend Cotillion has spiraled so completely out of control she can't even get out of East Egg.

Rufus pretends not to be totally hurt and whatever, and then Lily's like, "Basically, Thanksgiving is a huge hassle nobody cares about, just like every year, so we're doing takeout and if you don't like it, go back to your horror of a pointy-faced ex-wife, because she's the only person that cares besides your underage girlfriend Vanessa Abrams." Rufus pretends not to be hurt a bunch more, and shoves his recipe cards back into their decoupage carrying case without even alphabetizing them. Eric apologizes once again, and Jenny tries to crawl up his ass and pretend they're all a team, and Eric offers to "set up a video chat on [his] netbook and give Grandma a place at the table."

That sounds like a recipe for a whole other kind of bullshit casserole -- like CeCe Rhodes is so terribly advanced and not-WASPy that a "video chat on a netbook" won't make her old ass retire to bed with a martini, so why not just ask her to set up a Facebook or Twitter her thanks to the internet? -- but, as with a lot of the dialogue in this episode, it's best if you don't look too closely. Rufus is all excited about "a CeCe you can unplug," and sends Eric to get it happening.

Jenny follows Eric down the hallway, obviously having remembered that he hates her ass and has done for awhile now, but not letting that stop her from being totally annoying. He tells her that Jonathan's not coming to Thanksgiving because they broke up, and she pretends not to know why, and then when he's gone she texts Jonathan that they should have a truce and Eric misses her, and smiles smugly/Humphrily to herself about this good deed of sticking her nose where it does not belong, and somewhere St. Vanessa of the Nosey Parker feels a little bit stronger because she draws power from people noodging each other.

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Gossip Girl




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