Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I'm Secretly On Your Side

Downstairs at PRADA, Dorota tearfully explains the situation, and Vanya goofily looks around for a place to put the plate before picking her up and whirling her around, deliriously happy. They're kind of racist and kind of annoying, and there's something annoying and racist about the way everybody loves them so much, but they are pretty much wonderful in a way you can't argue.

Upstairs, everybody's milling around the apartment without noticing Maureen skulking who-knows-where: Lily is drinking and rereading THE LETTER in the hall closet, as one does, and Jenny's living off the smells of food, and Eric is pissily eating his pie and texting scary T9 messages about "Jenny knows, we have to strike now," to that execrable Kira girl while scarfing angry pie, and Rufus is hounding the shit out of CeCe and forcing her to look at and I quote "pictures of me jamming with Kim and Thurston," like CeCe can't fucking wait to get her hands on those awesome pictures, you dildo, and CeCe is begging Lily to save her from that bullshit, but Lily is too busy being drunk in the hall closet, and crams THE LETTER into her jacket or the identical jacket of Maureen who is still wandering around somewhere, and the Waldorfs have fallen into a time warp somewhere between the penthouse and the lobby, and then CeCe and Lily hold each other's hands and imagine a world where Rufus didn't have pictures to show you.

Chuck grabs B, who has finally made it through time and space to the street, and asks if he can stay and make tender manly love to Nate Archibald rather than going to Paris with Blair and her mom, and she's like, "You boys" and lets it slide just like her mom did for so many years, and they kiss, and he grabs Nate and is totally hot for awhile and drags him away to get very drunk in the wake of Serena's path of destruction, and pats him and chatters at him to distract him from the love of Serena, and meanwhile Serena has completely forgotten about Tripp altogether and sits in the limo thinking sadly about Nate and how maybe she loves him back, and if you had a nickel for every time Serena stared out the window of something and went somewhere she shouldn't be going, you'd have as many nickels as men have died for associating with her, and Tripp notices that she has totally vacated the limo, so he grabs her hand and she looks over at him with this indulgent lip-bitten smile like, "Oh, you. Right: Left your wife and career for me. Great, cool, let's do this."

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Gossip Girl




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