Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I'm Secretly On Your Side

Blair screams at Dorota on entering the apartment because Dorota is distracted by Doorman Vanya using all manner of social media to stalk her, because she is avoiding him. Why? Who can say. I don't make it my business to interrogate the help. Blair sees a package from Lionel Tribbey ("I'm a Republican, and Lionel Tribbey is incredibly not"), who for some bizarre multiverse-melting reason is Eleanor's estate attorney. EW is changing her will, which is probably the big secret thing that she's coming to tell Blair about, because she's the only issue besides Aaron Rose, who quite frankly can go fuck himself, and then Eleanor appears and they fake-smile and fake-hug and fake-kiss and do all that bulimia stuff to each other, and Eleanor won't open the package and she won't open the package and then they drag each other around by the hand and drink amazing lapsang souchong and generally act like Blair and a Blair impersonator dogfight.

Nate sits on a bench and tries once again to talk sense to Serena about how he has put two and two together and for once ended up with four because hello, obviously Tripp is leaving Maureen for her. S protests weakly for one second before admitting that she kissed him that night she stranded Nate at Brandy Library after he professed his love, which makes her a dickhead, and Nate like barely remembers that. So then Tripp calls Serena and Nate is a really good actor like he was this whole episode, and on the other end of the phone Tripp's Crazy Eyes start doing forward lunges is how hard their crazy is getting, and the only plot thing is that Maureen is now coming to town so they can't chastely not fuck all Thanksgiving like they were "going" to. Serena asks Nate to Thanksgiving since she now has zero plans at all, and Nate totally bails on his mental plan to patch things up with Grandfather so that he can continue to have his mind warped by Serena's evil. She's like, "Just get me drunk!" and then they laugh and think about how Rufus is the worst.

Lily runs into Maureen -- and see, this is why I keep thinking Tripp was lying, because what is she, magic -- on the street and they are wearing the same coat! Gee, I hope that doesn't come into play in some predictable way right at the end of the episode. Lily bitches at Maureen about how the Congressman has her barely legal daughter working at a fake soup kitchen of lies, which sets off Maureen's BS detector, and then Lily immediately invites the van der Bilts to Thanksgiving because nobody is coming to Thanksgiving because see above re: Rufus, and Maureen is like torn because on the one hand, how horrible, but on the other hand, where there's smoke there's rarely a soup kitchen.

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Gossip Girl




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