Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I'm Secretly On Your Side

Maureen stares in a vicinity not wildly far from Lily's face, so at least she's trying to curb that tendency to issue speeches to nobody, and accepts, and GG does a backflip. "May the Lord make us truly thankful for what we are about to receive!" And I must say Word. I am so thankful for this hot mess. This season is so unbelievably good.

Vanessa and Dan are making Asshole Pie in DUMBO, and Vanessa is explaining that Gabriela is the kind of obnoxious dick that lectures cashiers about how "Thanksgiving is nothing more than a corporate agenda of the food industry masquerading as family sentiment," and true to type V fails to see the irony of how she is the exact same kind of obnoxious dick and she is telling this story to another iteration of that selfsame obnoxious dick. Vanessa brings up Olivia, because she's an obnoxious dick, and he makes that face at her some more of love, and then there's a knock at the door because what Dan has decided to do -- instead of dealing with life or being accountable or a man in any way -- is invite Gabriela into the steaming soupy mess of his love life and irritate Vanessa in the process. She offers to kill him for us, but Gabriela steps in with an apology and says she's willing to try and behave like a normal goddamn human being for this one day so her daughter will stop being pointlessly horrible to her, and also that Lily has invited their giant bag of bullshit to Thanksgiving so she won't have to be alone with her fucked-up family. Which is a pretty tight call actually, because you know what makes me feel great about myself, my family, my choices and my morals? Vanessa. She can come to Thanksgiving at my house any old time.

Serena comes home to the Empire and sees Tripp lurking around for her and pretends to be totally annoyed and pretends to get on the elevator while ignoring him and pretends to be so pissed that he's even there and pretends that he's not acting exactly according to her mad scientist programming of his robot brain. Meanwhile, Tripp is being totally adorable and like a cute boy. Which is probably why Serena says no three times, and then abruptly pulls the brakes on the elevator car and masticates his entire face while a particularly pithy song plays: "Your lipstick smeared sad/ I adore you/ I always have/ And every time you overdose/ I rush to Intensive Care/ Another sad-eyed stare before you disappear/ If this is the last dance/ Then save it for me baby/ Then save it for me baby." Because we think this is their last big makeout, but really it's because he's going to Chappaquiddick her and be ruined or dead before Xmas break.

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Gossip Girl




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