Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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I'm Secretly On Your Side

Eleanor will be wearing some crazy swoopy pants outfit under a dress, in addition to her daughter climbing all the fuck over the place trying to get into that letter. There's much adorable snooping and sneaky-face and jumping out of the way and trying to get the letter, but while B is wily Eleanor's got years of wiliness on her. Man, I missed Eleanor. What a mannered, captivating actress she is. Dorota comes in with babka and Eleanor yells at her because she's jet-lagged and can't believe how opinionated and willful Blair has allowed Dorota to become in her absence. Also, because PRADA Thanksgiving is growing exponentially with every scene, Dorota will now be serving at Lily's dinner, since the Waldorfs will be en route to Paris anyhow. But Blair jumps at the chance to continue picking at the scab that is her obsessive love for Serena, so she decides they're going to have Thanksgiving at Lily's. While Eleanor makes the call, Blair threatens Dorota with deportation until she gives up the personal items that she picked up along with the babka. There is a pregnancy test! Somebody is possibly pregnant! Name the baby Yale!

When Chuck enters Nate's apartment, he's posing directly under the most flattering possible light and pretending to play pool, so Chuck has to lean all sexy against the pool table in a similarly ridiculous way before they can even have a conversation about how security just showed him video of his sister dry-humping a congressman in his elevator. Not actually an emergency, S-Dawg. I mean, it is, but not in an elevator way. Nate's heart breaks into a million billion pieces and he's caught between gathering them in his arms or staying in the good light, but he chooses correctly. Chuck says no doubt Tripp is all, "Oh, I'm leaving Maureen because of Hudson Hero, your ass is collateral ass, comfort me," which is...

I still don't know if that's what he's doing, but I confess that I have a mighty soft spot for Tripp. It's easy, if you have any respect for Serena's intelligence at all: I think they are equally matched as far as walking into the oncoming whirlwind of disaster with their eyes open, and equal belief in the power of letting Pretty equal Stupid. Plus if you ask around, or look at my personal league tables, "Blonde Young Republicans With Ronald Reagan Hair" ranks cumulatively right under "Seth Cohens On The Autism Spectrum" and just above "Hobbit-Like Misanthropes" in total notches, so I can obviously see the appeal. Chuck's like, "He's gone inside of six months," which offends Nate because he hero-worships his heroic cousin hero, and Chuck's like, "How often does the Other Woman get a Happily Ever After?" Um, all the time. Literally all the time. What a hack line.

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Gossip Girl

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