Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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I'm Secretly On Your Side

Downstairs, Blair is brandishing smoked salmon and Brut Rosé at Eleanor trying to make her throw up or admit that she's pregnant or kill the baby, whatever it takes, and Eleanor as usual is ignoring her daughter's crazy ass while being totally nice to everybody else, and she's not in a champagne mood, but it's not for any real reason, and as usual without actually doing anything still manages to create a palpable atmosphere of seething hatred for her daughter that manages to be charming and funny while also sort of making you want to binge, or cringe, or slap her silly.

Serena is wearing a black "pantsuit." But in places you would normally have fabric covering you, like say your entire breasts, those parts of the suit are merely a suggestion. Happy Thanksgiving! I love how she's like, "Those miniskirt/suspenders and fishnets and Faye Dunaway Supervillain Collection outfits that I wear to work are simply too formal. I should probably mix it up for this family holiday by wearing something ass-naked."

Serena, wearing this outfit like she's the CEO of Sex Inc., greets her boyfriend the married congressman and his sideways-talking wife at the door and it's way awkward, and Maureen's like, "You guys work such long hours that are a lie!" And S is like, "I know, man. Can I take your coat that is identical to my mom's coat and then immediately hand them to a servant so they can be placed in the same closet next to each other?" Maureen addresses... Who knows. The PRADA MARFA sign or the sweet potatoes, and then runs off to speak in a direction tangential to Nate's location. Tripp's like, "The hard part is over. You know, the part where you speak to my wife without blabbing about how we're in total love and kissed two times."

(Gabriela and CeCe are still over there talking. I wonder what that's like. Probably two totally different conversations, where Gabriela thinks everything she's saying is a pointed barb about their lifestyle and everything CeCe is saying is a deliberate way of making Gabriela act like an incredible asshole. That's what is going on, I know it. So by the end of the night Gabriela will be like, "That old woman is wrong about everything, but I really got through to her. I guess she's more progressive than I thought." And at the end of the night, just like right now, CeCe will think, "God, that woman is insufferable. Where does Rufus find these people? If you like poor people so goddamn much why don't you stop eating my daughter's food and go babble at them instead?")

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Gossip Girl

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