"Sorry you're not a WASP or educated, sorry the system works, and kept you from doing anything but this demeaning job that I really, really wish you didn't have to do because you're just like family. And next time could you make sure the monograms on the towels are facing the right way? Sorry, but you know how I am. Thanks!"

If you honestly feel that weird and guilty about it -- that you constantly have to inform the people how weird and guilty you feel, and therefore exactly how unlucky and lower-class they should feel by comparison -- then just clean up your own shit. It's really not that complicated.

Jenny assembles herself from tatters of darkness and looms behind Nate, who reminds himself that he gets to talk to "all his exes," so S should have coffee with Carter. And then lie about it for no reason. Jenny reaches right over and yanks the hotel-key-shaped envelope out of Serena's purse, because she is a mockery, and then they are both mentally dazzled by what the envelope contains.

Blair's actually a little charmed by a blowjob joke Chuck makes after Dorota balloon-dances by, being obnoxious in new ways all the time, and returns the serve with a lame, poorly spoken, bizarre joke that barely makes sense at all, and they discuss how he can never make up for what he did, but he says it's okay because she's the whore that went up there, and you know that conversation? It's that conversation. Again. She pops the balloon with her claw and I guess Dorota and Vanya win the game, and then Dan... Goes to check on Blair.

And by "check on" I mean, "Talk to her until she relinquishes what little self-respect she has, because that's what Dan does best, and then sends her right back into Chuck's arms. For what reason? That she is disgusting and essentially unlovable. Basic Dan Humphrey stuff, we don't really need to go there. Except to note that by the end of the scene Dan and Blair's 'ice' is melting, there's a chilling moment in a while where he is acknowledged as part of the Waldorf-Rose family for no reason, and that can only mean they are going to hook up, and when that happens I shall be forced to go on a killing spree."

While Rufus tries desperately to find Lily, who is of course not at Canyon Ranch and has just completely stopped trying to cover her tracks, Blair runs to Chuck with the news: Dan has just informed her that she is too disgusting to be with anybody else. Fucking magnets: That's how they work. "We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell." Chuck is not reassured by this nihilistic, essentially suicidal pronouncement, because it's not romantic to be told that you are the punishment and that being with you is the new bulimia, but she just peaces because -- on the other hand -- she is correct about this situation.