Nate shows up and his robot readout says WE NEED TO TALK and the gunsights in his ocular headsup display turn from green to a persimmon color that doesn't quite mean "enemy" but in robot means something like, "I thought I was your only whore." But first he has to deal with Serena, who immediately drops her cover -- the lie that is completely unnecessary and yet provides more of a cohesive plotline than anything else in this mess -- by snarfing down a huge croissant, even though she doesn't eat carbs, because she didn't have waffles at the Humphreys', because she was with Carter. So these particular two people are so stupid that this constitutes a clue. To a mystery. About breakfast.

Because just hearing about Humphrey brunch wasn't bad enough, let's look at the leavings: "So my Tisch application is in the mail, Vanessa's out of town, and I just ate about five pounds of Bisquick... Who's with me on the couch? I'm thinking Kieslowski's Double Life Of Véronique." A more hateful combination of sentences I beg you to tell me about. Rufus explains that they don't even have to watch that movie about the Polish/Russian conflict that everybody who was in college between 1990-1995 and no other humans have ever seen, because "we have front-row seats to a live version of a [Mexican] production!" They've asked Rufus to throw them "traditional Eastern European game night," which not even Rufus knows what that means, because it's not a thing, because none of this is a thing.

Eric follows Seamstress Jenny to Blair's so he can stalk crush Elliott, and of course Rufus is right up in his face about "who's the new guy" and "is he dreamy" and "do you think you'll go all the way" and "here I have some condoms" and whatever horrors, and Jenny makes fun of Eric for not asking Elliott out until he figures out whether Elliott is gay. Shocker, Jenny Humphrey doesn't understand why an alienating full-court press sounds like a bad idea.

Daniel instructs Rufus to instruct Lily to leave her mother at Canyon Ranch early so she doesn't miss the wedding or the party. You can tell he's more upset about Game Night, because it's Rufus and he honestly thinks that will be fun. He also thinks, though, that Lily cares about him and is committed to pretending their relationship is real and believes that he is a real person. Three more things that are agonizingly untrue. But also: A person you barely know has an employee who is marrying your doorman. Who wouldn't drop everything?