I don't actually need to say anything about this, do I? We understand why this is embarrassing? Eric is in a foul mood as they dance with balloons, and apparently spent the three hours between the last scene and this one lurking about in the Waldorf lobby instead of doing anything uncreepy, like, calling the dude up and saying he's in the building, come down and hang out for the five seconds it would take to crack this case. Of course, Jenny takes about two moves to mention her obvious goal of breaking up Nate and Serena, and once again Eric acts like she's not twirling her mustache and revealing her plans outright and just says her name really curtly, like she's being just a little inappropriate, so that she can do that eerie grin she always gets when she's lying right to your face. The day the ankle-dip turned evil, man, we just never came back from that, did we?

Some Russian ho from Brighton Beach comes onto Chuck, and he immediately runs to Blair so they can dance with balloons and maybe work up some of that staticky energy that may or may not be how magnets work. Meanwhile, Serena is apologizing to Nate for lying to him for no reason, and then lies about it for no reason: "I bumped into him on the street the other day, and I told him we could have coffee, and that's it." No, you're back on Daddy duty and acting idiotic, but way to make it worse.

Nate points out that Carter acted more like they were doing it, and she's like, "He convinced his fourth grade class at Dalton that Barneys was named after the dinosaur!" She tries to explain to Nate the one true part, which is just that Carter is fucking with him. Like he does every time he shows up, and every time Nate falls for it. Even S is shocked by how dumb Nate is. "This is me you're talking to. You have to trust me!" Even Nate is shocked by how disingenuous that was. "...You don't trust me?" S is shocking with how dumb she is. "The only reason we're having this conversation right now is because you got caught." Nate is shocked by how dumb Serena is. And so on.

While the fuckin' Black-Eyed Peas are covered on the accordion, which is like how this show used to be clever and is now more like the Black-Eyed Peas, Eleanor asks where Vanessa is, because this is already a shitty party and it can't take a dose of Abrams if anybody is going to survive, and Dan goes, "She's in Vermont." Literally, that's all he says. We don't even care that much, that we need a location, but it's funny that they supplied one. Eleanor's like, "If you're not going to dance, at least make yourself useful. These Russians drink more than Larry Hagman on his first liver." Sophia Petrillo, ladies and gents! "Bartender needs more ice."