Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Magnets: How They Work

Which first, I would divorce you so fucking quick you'd bruise your gnome ass. And second of all, if that were true Blair would not be so fucked up, and third of all, Dorota is at most fifteen years Blair's senior. So somehow this episode is so clueless and condescending that we've taken the long way around and the only person talking any sense at all, Eleanor, is going to have to learn a lesson about family values and how our employees are family? Barf. Demonstrably not true. You pay her to perform a service. She's a person, with a job -- and with a life and friends you don't even know about. "Just like family" is an epithet we use to talk about insincere racists, not a fucking moral to a story: Dorota HAS a family.

Maybe it's the "transom" thing again, maybe we read Flannery O'Connor and never really understood Flannery O'Connor. But the idea that Blair keeps Dorota in her dorm room was funny because it was ludicrous, and what this little story does is actually legitimize that, as a non-ludicrous thing: Eleanor now needs to realize that Dorota is their pet Polish person, and therefore her responsibility. Which contextualizes the entire concept of service -- and this is the part that grosses me out -- as really demeaning, because it means we need to apologize to our employees for their jobs.

"Sorry you're not a WASP or educated, sorry the system works, and kept you from doing anything but this demeaning job that I really, really wish you didn't have to do because you're just like family. And next time could you make sure the monograms on the towels are facing the right way? Sorry, but you know how I am. Thanks!"

If you honestly feel that weird and guilty about it -- that you constantly have to inform the people how weird and guilty you feel, and therefore exactly how unlucky and lower-class they should feel by comparison -- then just clean up your own shit. It's really not that complicated.

Jenny assembles herself from tatters of darkness and looms behind Nate, who reminds himself that he gets to talk to "all his exes," so S should have coffee with Carter. And then lie about it for no reason. Jenny reaches right over and yanks the hotel-key-shaped envelope out of Serena's purse, because she is a mockery, and then they are both mentally dazzled by what the envelope contains.

Blair's actually a little charmed by a blowjob joke Chuck makes after Dorota balloon-dances by, being obnoxious in new ways all the time, and returns the serve with a lame, poorly spoken, bizarre joke that barely makes sense at all, and they discuss how he can never make up for what he did, but he says it's okay because she's the whore that went up there, and you know that conversation? It's that conversation. Again. She pops the balloon with her claw and I guess Dorota and Vanya win the game, and then Dan... Goes to check on Blair.

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Gossip Girl




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