Instead of asking Dorota what she's been doing all this time instead of marrying the guy -- and wouldn't her mysterious rich parents be just as annoyed that she got secretly married as secretly knocked up? -- Cyrus screams at such a volume something having to do with vodka and her Polish parents. She says that it is more likely that they will kidnap her than accept things, which is I guess what happens in the Eastern Bloc, and he doesn't even care about the answer because he's so high that he screams NATE! when Nate walks in, even though they've never met. I think Cyrus is on E, that's what they're like. Or maybe this new drug "Twelve."
Nate is nervous around strangers, especially gregarious older men with lisps, because of his sordid history of accidental prostitution, so he tries to jet upstairs immediately. But first Eleanor has to do some shit that I cannot countenance. First, she compares her daughter to Howard Hughes, which is like a Golden Girls punchline, and then she goes, "I hope you can make some headway with her. I am not allowed to cross the transom!"
Now, I don't know if you noticed, but I sort of fucking hate this show these days, and this kind of thing is exactly why. It has been going on too long. It used to be that Blair spoke eloquently, and knew what words meant, and had her usage ducks in a row. But at some point -- she was the first to fall -- she started misusing idioms and fucking up phrases almost as bad as Gossip Girl herself, who has always sounded retarded. And Nate has tossed us some doozies over the years, but the more he talks the more he fucks up. Next came Serena, whose mushmouth may have previously been hiding some egregious shit, but I don't think it was: I think this show just got dumb. Like real dumb, on a line-by-line level.
Soap operas are trashy for a lot of reasons, but I would say the number one reason is class: Not how people of a given class actually are, but the way people of a much lower class think they are. Shoulder pads and pool fights might be fun for some people, but I didn't have time for that shit when I was a kid and I really don't have time for it now. And at some point, this show went from being about one thing to being about the other, in the exact same way that "Tiffany" as a name, for example, started on Park Ave., did some shows at a mall, and now fifty years later is a stripper's name. This show is well on her way.
And these obvious word choice issues, which have gotten more intense every episode this season, are a big red flag. The transom is the window at the top of the door, not the threshold. The threshold is called "the threshold." You fucking idiots. And a real writer would know that, because where we get the whole point of "over the transom" comes from unsolicited scripts being tossed through the window at the top of the door. It's a word only a writer would use, and one only an unnervingly stupid writer would misuse.