Gossip Girl

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Pieces Of Jennifer's Body

First of all, nobody is going to like Ivva for at least two reasons, Chuck and Blair, and second of all she is sooo boooring, and third of all, she talks like she's got Serena in her mouth. But they run through everybody's names again while she gets dressed in one of the many gowns from Carlos Miele, looking for the dumbest one.

"Lily. You'll recognize her by her mustache. Rufus, he's the girly-looking one that won't let go of Lily's hem. Eric, he's scowling a lot these days for some reason and his hair changes color more often than the straight boys he dates. Serena, she should be wearing two dresses to account for the amount of boobs but will be wearing less than one dress. Vanessa Abrams, if you hate her on sight that's Vanessa Abrams. She'll have with her Dan Humphrey and their Communist baby. Nate's the one that keeps climbing in bed with us, Blair's the one stabbing you... Who else? Juliet. If you see her, run. Bitch be sketchier than a prostitute ghost-nanny. If you see any prostitute ghost-nannies, that's Ella. Or something, I forget. Something like Eva, or Elizabeth, or Ella. I'm not a complicated man."

"You know, Elliot is the bowtie master in our relationship," Eric says, which is officially TMI. Although not unexpected. Give him a few years: He'll try it, realize it's a hassle and his heart's not in it, and go back to letting the other guy do all the bowtie work. Also of note: Elliott's at Yale now, which means he's older than we thought? I can't keep these boys straight. I miss Asher! Asher was a boy you could build a life's worth of lies with. And flexible about the necktie situation, if you know what I mean, which opens a lot of doors.

Rufus does not know what I mean, at all, so he offers to teach Eric how to tie his own bowtie, resulting in a creepy little stepfather moment (1) that turns weird when (2) Rufus says it was Lily that taught him and (3) nightmarish once Rufus refers to Chuck as the "true expert" and offers to call him in to consult. It's like fan fiction exploded for a sec. Rufus starts in about how Chuck deserves another chance, and Eric goes buckwild.

"A second chance, sure, but Chuck's had a bunch! After a certain point, a person's beyond redemption!" Rufus identifies, because after all Jenny's sex life is totally important to him too, and finally Eric tells him about that rape that didn't happen, that Jenny totally dealt with while Rufus was in the dark the whole time, and about which too much has already been said.

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Gossip Girl

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