Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Pieces Of Jennifer's Body

(Which is bizarrely out of character for Eric, but once it happens on the show that means it's not out of character anymore -- just poorly written -- because the fact is that we need an obstacle for Chuck's return to prove the importance of family, and that's all this is. And it's not the first or last time Eric will be called in to be a plot tool. There's just so many other ways this could have gone down that didn't involve Eric joining Team Idiot Patriarchy. Can't we save Eric for important shit, like the inevitable Tyler Clementi storyline that fits perfectly with this show's mandate and history? You know, something that could actually help the people that watch this show make sense of life?)

Rufus repeats everything Lily told him to think about the Chuck situation like verbatim and Eric sets him straight about how Chuck tried to rape Jenny this one time and therefore three years later when they slept together it was like an assault or something. "He has always been that person, and he always will be," says Eric, for no real reason. But since when has Rufus ever needed a reason to cause a big ruckus and prove he's a dad or a man or whatever he thinks is going on here? Never. It's not like they can call Jenny and get her take, but then, they already have her take; they just don't want it.

Never underestimate the fervor -- and I say this as the recapper for target="_blank">Weeds as well -- of anybody trying to convince you that you've been raped when you haven't been raped. Those assholes are unstoppable, because they're total ultimate Nancy Grace heroes in their heads. No skin off their ass if it's not actually true, or how much they're devaluing the fact of sexual assault for their own benefit: The important thing is the endless, pointless, unrelated screaming. That outraged paternalism passing itself off as the static, septic monstrosity internet feminism has become.

Dan comes flying out of the Brooklyn CPS offices in a hurry to get his fake baby the hell away from proper care and social services and it's all tics and stuttering and Vanessa urging him on, ever on: "All right we're leaving we're not coming back here Milo would go into foster care before he gets adopted which could take years and until then he would just be moved from home to home you know with no real family and I couldn't even see him if I wanted to and you think that's awful well there's an entire wall of photos covered with kids waiting to be adopted I don't care if Milo's not my biological son he's not going into foster care if Georgina doesn't turn up I'm keeping him." And the whole time Milo's bored and Vanessa's grabby snatchy hands are just crushing, crushing, crushing empty air.

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Gossip Girl

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