Serena approaches Juliet with that ridic huge key around her neck and asks her if, in fact, she's not being an insane bitch by going after S and splitting off B just to get Nate. (At this point it's a little hazy, because Nate is not that hard that you would have to do all these dramatic things, but the real truth is unbelievable and the first thing they taught Serena in detecting school was not to multiply entities.)
Juliet admits that there were more keys, despite what she said, but that she's running late and anyway she just didn't want to hurt Serena's feelings. But pursuant to that second point, it might interest S to know -- and she's kicking herself for saying so, or is she actually relieved to tell the truth -- that it was Blair Waldorf who called in the last-minute blackball. "Something about a sex tape? With a guy named Pete Fairman?" (Hmm. Although that could have come from Nate, during the seven-hour exposition of Serena's filthy life.) "Did you really think that she was ever gonna let you steal her spotlight at Columbia?" Gossip Girl loves this idea, but S isn't so sure. And for once, she might be right. Blair's relationship with cliché has always been pretty self-aware, and pretty much all she's talked about, post-fountain tossing, has been avoiding that one.
Dan is going into hyperdrive about how he's going to have to drop out of NYU and get a nanny so he can work -- and "What if I get one who spikes Milo's bottle with Benadryl at naptime?" -- and of course Vanessa is like, "My codependence was BORN FOR THIS SHIT." Immediately she's all about taking over completely and being the mommy and taking care of everything, same as with Georgina, and anyway it'll be just like -- the highbrow Potemkin fan suddenly says -- "If Ted Danson and Tom Selleck can do it, so can we. Right?" There is fussing about which one is Guttenberg, as though they aren't all Guttenberg, as though any of them have seen that movie, because they are children, and before you know it Vanessa has withdrawn from school housing.
More Hot Chip at Fashion's Night Out, which people-watching I am not qualified to joke about. I see Diane von Furstenberg and Hamish Bowles and Charlotte Ronson. DVF because I love her daughter more than anyone on earth. The other two because they're famous. There's probably one million other people but those are the ones I know with my eyeballs, and it's Saturday night as I'm writing this and I don't want to put in the work, frankly. The Ham House girls are super excited to see S there looking for B, because they know it'll be a knock-down hair-pulling purse-throw of Dynasty proportion.