Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Pieces Of Jennifer's Body

And it will be fantastic, especially considering Serena's wearing something that would get poor Michael Costello thrown off PR, just a swoopy awesome five-yard train with crotch action, it's amazing and one of my favorite S looks maybe ever. She looks like a Disney villainess swishing that thing around; factor in the neon animal-print matching dresses of the Hamhocks and it's a winner. But here's a thing I don't get: What is the point of all this really? Because here's what happens: Blair and Serena are fighting, and GG puts it on blast, so Juliet puts it on TV screens. But then the whole thing turns out to be -- spoilers! -- fake. So that proves... What? Even Juliet seems confused as to how this is her major smackdown.

I mean, the show is convinced it's a big deal and that S and B have totally shown her ass, and everybody comes to shake their heads all Cruel Liaisons at Juliet for trying... Whatever she tried... But the actual point escapes me. What did they prove, what was she doing that their little display has sent awry, how does Juliet lose, why is this the centerpiece of the episode? I've been thinking about it almost a week now and I still have no idea why it's such a big deal. "We fought, just kidding! BURN." It's a glorious strike for sisterhood and a great way to tell us how this season is about S&B 4-EVA, but why it's shameful and crazy, still not clear.

Chuck tries to introduce Ivva to Rufus and Eric (after pushing through all the "starving wannabes," as he describes the models) but they're too busy talking to Hamish and he gets cold feet anyway. He sends Ivva off to get him a drink and confronts the boys one-on-one, which is when Rufus yells at him for raping his fourteen-year-old. Chuck apologizes, not that Rufus is the one that deserved an apology, and tries to explain how it's water under the bridge, considering Jenny decided later to hand him her v-card -- which Eric knows, but Rufus does not and still thinks it was Damien who had the honor -- and not even Eric has a good explanation for the about-face. Rufus yells and moans and somewhere upstate Jenny is very irritated and smothered and frankly creeped out and doesn't even know why.

"As a father, it's my responsibility to make sure no one else's daughter gets hurt like mine did," Rufus says, and then jumps in his time machine to be the kind of father that says things like, "Don't drink a bunch of champagne and head upstairs hoping a known rapist will take your virginity, unless you're sure that's what you want. Also, carry a gun because boys are gross and awful and stronger than you, and looking for anything they can get. Your body is your responsibility and you have all the power in the world until you decide otherwise. Your mother's generation had to fight their tits off to even get the right to go outside and risk the kind of stuff you've been so blithely told it's your right and privilege to avoid, so respect their strength and sacrifice by taking the world seriously. The reality is, your safety is your responsibility. And until the very moment you're attacked -- like the one in six women and one in thirty-three men that actually report it, every year, in this first-world country we live in -- that shit's on you."

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Gossip Girl

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