Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Pieces Of Jennifer's Body

"No, you don't really have the Humphrey jaw, but... My name is on your birth certificate, so I'm gonna be your dad. Vanessa's gonna be here, so that means you're probably gonna be the only kid at preschool who's seen The Battleship Potemkin more times than Finding Nemo. Let's hope she brought some pizza, because daddy's starving!" Just then Georgina shows up, five black horses snorting, her burning carriage at the groundfloor, and tries to explain to Dan that she wasn't being a crazy psycho like every other time, but in fact somebody was trying to kill her. Normally, that would be par for the crazy-girlfriend course, but in Georgina's case it's ever so likely.

"Admittedly, your ploy to blame me for Serena not getting into Hamilton House would've worked in high school, but not now." S agrees, saying she would never believe a total stranger over her mentally ill best friend. Juliet plays dumb, and we learn that GG did this as a favor because she "prefers to be the only one screwing with us," Nate walks in and mumbles confusions, and -- even though, as Juliet points out, the "secret" part of a secret committee means they couldn't know about it -- half of the board members of Bass Industries, being Ham House alumni, knew the Keymaster was misbehaving. "Serena has always been at the top of the list," Lily grins, and Serena takes her key gratefully.

Cute fashion people parting like the Red Sea, Nate runs off after Juliet, who has apparently been shamed out of this secret society but not by the gratuitously involved setpiece that just took up a quarter of their lives, but not before yelling at Serena for her "little show." Serena's confused -- home doesn't exist until we're there, remember -- because Nate's her friend and doesn't hold a grudge. And then Nate, beautifully -- It's official! He really does think this slow -- goes, "I guess it took me until now to realize just how mad I am at you," for her various pre-summer offenses: Kissing Dan while she wasn't dating Nate, and then going to France.

Well, I can kind of see where he's coming from because the whole time she was gone, he was doing all these insane things to get her attention, the hookers and pretending to date Juliet and whatever, like, he's had a lot of character development already this year just because of his many attempts to hamfistedly created drama, but: It's Serena. It doesn't matter. And not because you're both retarded: It doesn't matter because she wasn't paying attention, because it seriously doesn't matter. You were playing a game and she was on a different field, excelling in an unrelated sport, and you think that what matters to you matters.

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Gossip Girl

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