So Dan and Serena are sad for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because this entire social circle is B-A-N-A-N-A-S and neither of them can escape it, which means whether you like it or not, everybody's slept with everybody else and Chuck knows what your panties smell like. That's just how it goes, and it's very sad. And Blair's like, "Whatever, just thought you should know." Because the last thing Dan needs is to fall madly in love with this perfect girl in her perfect world and then realize she's a used-up road whore, leaving him alone with merely a Cabbage Patch Doll for company. "You talked to my sister?" Dan yelps, hilariously, but before Blair can lay down some more awesome, very true science on Dan about his imaginary love story, Chuck takes the opportunity to perv out on Jenny some more, just to get a rise and possibly some more vigorous embraces from Daniel, and drop the first f-bomb of the night. Dan gets right up in his face about the "unfinished business," i.e. "unfinished raping" and how it is not going to happen on Dan's watch, even though Jenny's kind of into it from what I can tell, and then Chuck goes wild. "Oh, Daniel. So little time, so many sluts to f[uck]." Well, Dan's not having that at all, so he shoves Chuck really hard into a waiter, but all I can see is the glow off of Blair's immense delight. She's shining like a diamond over there. And this isn't even her drama! This is merely tangential chaos!
Chuck giggles and wipes the blood from his gigantor nostrils, and in the background you can see Kati and Isabel, dressed like crazy old homeless women with, like, hats and handbags and a bunch of costume jewelry, with no idea what the fuck is going on at all, and I would like it if they were in the midground of every single shot, just staring like that. Something tells me they will be. They look like the Olsen twins. They look like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. Dan yells at everybody, to Blair's immense delight, that the show is over. Chuck is a jerk, however this time was Dan's fault, and he's leaving. Serena offers to go, but he's in extra-pouty mode: "I'd prefer you didn't." Oh, snap! So Serena leaks some more from her eyeballs, Dan's off to go be poor on his own fire escape, his count of enchanted objects has diminished by one, and there's just Nate going, "Are you happy now?" And Blair is being completely honest when she admits she's not even close. Of course, Chuck can't resist offering some sex around, but nobody's in the mood to rock. Except for Gossip Girl, that is, who gives us one last round of awesome, fading on Chuck's creepy old smile: "Some might call this a flustercluck, but on the Upper East Side, we call it Sunday afternoon." That's two practical f-bombs, if you're counting. I know I am!