Gossip Girl
The Wild Brunch

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Take Your Broke Ass Home!

We flash back to last night: Serena, Dan, and Jenny pulling up to the Palace in their cab. Serena stares blankly at them for a second, wondering what's going to happen, and finally gets out after it becomes clear the answer is "nothing." Dan mumbles something unsexy; Serena smiles sweetly and tiredly, and leaves. In that second, Jenny urges him to walk Serena to the door, and as he heads that way, S slams the door behind her, bonking him wicked hard in his adorable head. The cab jolts forward, because it's a very high-speed lifestyle, taxi-driving, and dude's got places to go. They scream and the cab jerks to a stop again, startling Serena, who stares at them and wonders if this is a Brooklyn thing, and the Humphreys are going to drive-by her. Dan protests to Jenny that he has brain damage, and Jenny points out that when you have brain damage, you don't have it together enough to realize you have brain damage. (As proof I give you: Jenny.) Serena stares in the window opposite, wondering if he's going to kiss her or stop-start the car a few more times or open fire or whatever. Instead, he drools for a second, and then waves awkwardly. They take off again, and she waves after them sadly with a very "I carried a watermelon?" kind of vibe.

Next morning/right now, Eric's asking Serena about The Wave. Serena floats the theory that Dan in fact despises her, and that this was a Wave of spite and hatred. A Wave of Detestation, if you will. Eric calls bullshit from his hospital bed, expositing that "no guy in the world has ever hated" Serena, and she's like, "I know, right?" We click back and forth between the hospital and Jenny's bedroom, as Dan whines that he's waited his whole life for the chance to date Serena, and then managed to close with an awkward, brain-damaged Wave. Jenny tells him it's going to be okay, it's not like he got raped or anything. But Dan is sad! Because what if he missed his one shot? She tells him that now, at least, he's got nothing to lose, including his dignity, which is already gone. This activates his pining powers sevenfold! He realizes he's got to head over to the Palace, apologize for the Wave, tell her he likes her, and get a second shot! A more awkward conversation I cannot imagine! Jenny's like, "Heck yeah you are! But change your clothes and take a shower." She's kind of Waldorfy in the morning. Over at the hospital, Serena's doing a little bit of pining on her own. She tells Eric quote "whatever," because Dan's "just so smart and funny. And nice!" How arousing. Eric says this sounds like love. I think it sounds like this "Dan" is possibly a pug. Serena, encouraged to talk about herself even more, segues into her other great love affair, Blair. Who was so mean to Serena for no apparent reason, at KOTL, but surely it can be fixed for the fifth time in 24 hours, if Serena just tries super-hard. Eric stares mutely as Serena talks herself into heading over to see Blair, just like Dan just did her. Parallel structure!

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