Gossip Girl
The Wild Brunch

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Take Your Broke Ass Home!

D offers to get J in touch with somebody to talk about her near-rape, but because Jenny is a psycho in addition to being a dipshit, she's like, "Good point, there's somebody I want to talk to." And lest you think it's a professional therapist or law enforcement officer, I'll tell you right now she's talking about Chuck, via Blair. She's so messed up I almost admire her. In other news, Rufus looks kind of shitty this morning, but that's fine, because Dan is now totally hot. They equalized their hotness or something. "Shut Up & Drive" starts playing for the first of one billion times as the following things happen: Nate comes to the Palace looking for Serena, Serena heads out to look for Blair, and Blair deletes her calls and messages from Serena with a flick of her insouciant wrist. Gossip Girl fully throws down the gauntlet and becomes the awesomest character: "The tables are all set, and when the guests arrive, we can start dishing. Here's what's on the menu!" Then she slides us a total blipvert of the entire episode. That's so fetch! I love you, Gossip Girl! You are so clever with your meta-cleverness!

At the Palace, our first Lily van der Woodsen spotting of the night is fittingly enough accompanied by Rooney's "When Did Your Heart Go Missing." Serena's looking for a pair of Michel Perrys, which seems a little garish for Serena's style, but we'll see. Serena is having such trouble, Lily points out, because she still hasn't unpacked -- she's got a point, but unless my timeline is way off, the pilot started Friday evening, and it's now Sunday morning, so like chillax, Lily. Serena tosses some black boots aside and points out that unpacking would be stupid anyway, because it's not their house, it's a hotel they have to live in because Lily was unsatisfied with the walls in their place. Lily finds the shoes, and they're just as bizarre and neon emerald lime green as I was thinking they'd be; Serena whines that Lily's gotten her to go to brunch, so whatever else could she want? Lily shakes her head: Serena loves parties. "This isn't like you!" Serena advances the obvious fact that the "me" of Serena is kind of up for grabs right now, so if she says she doesn't like parties, then Serena doesn't like parties, and Serena is as interested as everybody else to find out what "Serena" actually entails at this juncture. Lily does her usual "Now I'm being real" thing and asks Serena to please fill her in on what "Serena" is actually all about, but Serena has no answers, so Lily changes the subject to Dan and Serena's date last night. Turns out they didn't even hit Lincoln Hawk -- I guess they were just killing time before the show, when stupid Jenny's texts came in -- and Lily's pleasure is evident when Serena admits they ended up at Kiss On The Lips anyway. "Must have pleased Blair," Lily posits, and Serena gets a determined look on her face. "Not that pleased. Which is why I'm going to talk to her." Lily asks her to get back in time for brunch: "The more you hide yourself away, they'll think you have something to hide." Serena, of course, mentions Institutionalized Eric in this context, and Lily's like, "Duh, that's totally different." I'm totally on Team Lily, actually. She gets no credit at all. Serena hops out to the street and jumps in a cab...just as Dan's rounding the corner to come find her. Ahh!

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