Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Serena to the Infinite Power

Dorota gets very excited about some damn thing or another, whatever, and Blair processes her fear that he didn't mean it into a relaxing acceptance of the fact that he didn't mean it, which means she doesn't have to think it or say it back, or that somehow Anne will find out that he said it and that Blair in her deepest also loves him back -- this seems like an actual fear Blair has -- and disappoints Dorota by having not said it back because, as she says, "I am a [waffles, plausible deniability, fatwa] and not a weak, sniveling Standbyyourman* who never runs foundations!"

*(NICE callback.)

Serena stomps into PRADA, setting all the objets ashiver with her powerful footfalls, and asks Lily why she paid Juliet off. Lily tries to keep this with the other stuff, the Page Six thing, and Serena somehow assumes that Lily was lying to the Dean and in fact thinks that Serena is a ho. Which fits the Rhodes pattern really well, and it's a shame we're glossing over all this stuff with the manic pace, because it actually makes total sense that Serena would think that a payoff is an admission of guilt. Plus, she's right: Just about a different thing that she may or may not even know about. "You just let yourself get blackmailed for no reason!" Serena screams, and Lily's like:

"Oh, because this is like the one time where you didn't kill somebody or fuck Blair's boyfriend in public or have a drug-fueled threesome or flash your tits up and down the European Coast or steal horses or get the entire UES into a Ponzi scheme or ally against Rufus with the man who was giving me fake cancer or fuck poor people on a jitney or steal my jewelry or get caught fucking a married Congressman and pushing people into cakes?"

How can she possibly make good decisions, Serena has the balls to ask after that list, when Lily disapproves of every choice she's ever made? No matter how hard she tries to do the right thing, Lily just assumes the worst. And what's so great about this show is that she's basically right: She makes kinda dumb decisions, but it's everybody else's bullshit that turns it into a massacre. Every time. And I can't fault anybody for that, because it's also feeling prejudged and fucked-with that brings out Serena's crazy, which is the best thing about this show.

"Yeah, I fucked Nate and ran through the streets in my underwear to a coke party, but I wasn't the one who stepped on the coke and killed Pete Fairman. Yeah, I was fucking a married Congressman but I wasn't the one who summoned the wolves. Yeah, I tempted everyone we know into the Ponzi scheme, but who was it got Poppy and Gabriel murdered? Big S. Right here."

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Gossip Girl

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