Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Serena to the Infinite Power

The Witches all love how Eric just texted S to check in after the Lily fight and confirm their dinner date, but since she's not answering any texts, this is where (see?) the clock starts ticking on pissing off Eric. Vanessa is tasked with giving Serena's "resume" to Anne Archibald, and distracting her so she doesn't notice it's completely empty. "What do I do if Blair sees me?" The fuck? Punch her in the face and run. Hold up your finger like a fake mustache, in a casual way, and start talking French. "Lie," obviously, is the answer. She actually nods like this is sage shit. Get It Right, Lunatic! Sheesh! (Inc.)

Because Serena's life is melting down all around her and her boyfriends are now threatening her to her face, she's decided to hit the S&S Masquerade with her gays and just forget it all and just get her dance on. GG calls this midnight situation very "Cinderena," not that you can blame GG at this point for the way she is, and helpfully points out with visual confirmation which Carolina Herrera dress she'll be wearing to the ballsquerade.

The Witches are horrified that Dan and Nate forgave Serena for getting lost and wandering around town, like that wasn't always going to happen, and then awesomely they go, "How do we keep her from making a choice?" Because if she does, I guess, she'll have an ally. In which case you just push her to pick Dan, or tell Dan he picked her, because his ass is irrelevant anyway. Instead, Jenny goes full Darth Vader genius and says they will do it for her, they will pick both boys, and this is how: "Take off your clothes and take out your credit card."

So now everybody's naked and everybody's going to Carolina Herrera and everybody's buying the exact same dress in the exact same size because they're all exactly identical. Except for Vanessa, who is ethnic and can't be trusted to do anything right anyway: When Jenny decided they should all have secret sensational names such as Alexandra, Veronica, Kimberly and Mavis, Vanessa got Mavis. That should tell you something.

Veronica and Kimberly show up at the Blasquerade wearing that dress on their bodies that look nothing like Serena's and wearing shoes on feet that can't even imagine feet the size of Serena's and their pretty blonde hair that looks nothing like Serena's, with black witchy cloaks over themselves so nobody notices that they are dressed like Serena and attempting to do something that only crazy people would ever attempt: "Anytime I can combine styling with revenge," Jenny smarms. "Plus, this isn't exactly my first masquerade party." They split up and head inside, wearing the scariest mask ever masked, which they've somehow duplicated.

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Gossip Girl




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