Lily spills that this isn't Serena's first teacher, and he gets right back in there again, cheeks ruddy with gossip, sitting down with his delighted, bitchy hands steepled. "Really? Someone at Constance?" Ugh, no. Boarding school. Rufus blows it off again because she was just a kid (she is still just a kid) and Lily says the worst thing! "Serena was never a kid, believe me." She details for him the basics of how boarding school was after the Shepherd wedding and Pete Fairman -- like right after, like twelve hours after, but I see your point -- and that ultimately she "found a way to handle it."
Rufus hopes that she will stop talking, stop talking, stop talking, and offers this up: "Well, just because it happened then doesn't mean it's happening now." To which I must respond: What. What may or may not be happening? We know what is happening. Colin is gone. Ben is in jail. Juliet got paid off for not spilling about Ben. Serena is not doing anything wrong whatsoever. This whole fight is happening in Lily's head without even the courtesy of an invite for Serena to take part. The stupidest of fights. And now she's stressing poor Rufus out about it! About the nothing that is or is not happening!
Boys are kissing boys, girls are kissing girls, boys and girls are kissing each other, it's a masquerade. Jenny-Serena (I think) runs up to Nate and kisses him, which is nice that she gets to do that if it's her. And I guess if it's Juliet, which I don't think it is, that's nice for her too. Everybody should get to kiss Nate. If anybody should have this infinite quantum disease, it should be Nate. Every morning, one kiss from Nate, for the whole world. Five bucks.
Serena takes off, leaving him in suspense about the ultimatum, and at the door it's Eric and Serena van der Woodsen, and Elliot Leichter. The boys head in, but the bouncer stops Serena for being Serena who is already twice inside. Oh, the pains of being quantum. There's some really good acting here with Serena where she's like, trying to be polite but also kind of offended and used to being treated nicely. It's like the best things of Punk'd, the ones where you're like, "This could go either way," but then the person acts totally delightful and poised and you're so proud of them. She finally sends the boys to find Chuck or KC, and is annoyed but not pissy.
Juliet-Serena runs up and kisses Dan, hopefully getting a handful of that in the process, and stares for awhile as he babbles, but then runs off before he thinks about the fact that somebody who has never kissed him just kissed him. So he talks to himself about other stuff and Serena takes off her mask and the music is like, "IT WAS JULIET! NOT SERENA WHO IS STILL OUTSIDE!" Up in the random catwalks, Serena watches Blair and Chuck steal away for a little conversation about their conversation.