Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Serena to the Infinite Power

Maybe they all hate Taylor Momsen so much they just let her make up her own dialogue? Or say whatever lines from whatever part of the script she felt like saying? I mean, I guess what she's saying is... Okay, I got it: Jenny was answering the question of why the NJBC going after Vanessa was Serena's fault, and the answer is that Blair is the root of all evil but that most of the time it's about protecting Serena, which means even if S did have it partially coming she would never have to weather even the partial It? Is that right? Why won't this show make sense. Why is every conversation in this episode like talking to somebody who has already taken their Ambien?

Juliet lies and says this is all about teaching S the lesson of "what it feels like to be an outsider," by turning everybody against her. Really what it's about, apparently, is teaching her the lesson of "what it's like to get murdered and/or sold into white slavery," but for now that covers it. Never complain, never explain your plans to sell people into the sex trade. My grandmother taught me that.

Jenny notices the fucking insane corkboard on Juliet's wall with all the pictures of Serena and the color-coded twine and everything, and instead of being like, "Oh, I see that you are a stone cold psycho my bad Abrams get your shit immediately because we out," Jenny's like, "Nice corkboard for a stalker!" Juliet snaps, "I just like visual aids!" and it's awesome again.

So: Nate and Dan are blowing each other again, and what else. Jenny reverse-engineered Serena's Verizon phone to put in a SIM card and then took that SIM card out and replaced it with a second SIM card after backing up Serena's contacts to the phone so that it wouldn't seem like a factory reset and but so Serena can call out but nobody can call or text her, because that's going to the second reverse-engineered clone which Jenny has also created. This shit just got real.

Juliet's overjoyed and once again praises Jenny about how if she stuck around the UES, they'd all end up working for her in a week. I guess by "we" she means her and Vanessa, but really what she means is "Psychotics Living Double Lives And Attacking Random College Freshmen For Being Pretty, Or At Least For Making Our Gay Boyfriends Obsess On Her Instead Of Dealing With Their Very Real Identity Issues." (This is actually what G.I.R.L.S. Inc. stands for, but it's in German or something so I don't know.) Juliet leaves Vanessa and Jenny monitoring their many phones and satellites and whatever so she can go get reamed by Lily, who has called her up for a second teatime smackdown.

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Gossip Girl




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