Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Serena to the Infinite Power

In matching robes, with matching Siamese cat expressions, Blair and Chuck get matching pedicures from matching feet ladies, while they chat on the phone. It's amazing. But also, they have matching storylines, and spend a few seconds lying to each other about that before giving it up: Chuck wants to break their date, Blair agrees, and they finally admit that it's because C) KC thinks B is too good for his reputation while B) AA thinks C is too good for hers. Clear? Okay, but then, everything switches back again -- you're tearing me apart! -- and the date is back on. Oh, girl. Inc. Why you do this to me.

Serena walks in and looks at her judgmentally, because she loves being involved in the Blair/Chuck thing because they're the only two people on Earth besides her parents that she will never sleep with, and Blair yells, "You're the one who's black and white and read all over!" Which is a pretty good burn. But S turns it around and says that the only reason her mother had to murder Page Six and the Dean of Columbia in their beds is because of a secret relationship, just like the one Blair and Chuck are in. As of last paragraph.

"Chuck and I are not in a relationship," B lies out of one side of her mouth, while her hand snakes out and pokes the pedicurist in the eye: "What are you, a foot fetishist? They're done." Amazing. Then Serena says the words, "You and Chuck have way too much history to interact in a casual way." So technical, so odd, so Serena. They continue to interact, at this point, in a casual way: B will be fine, so long as she keeps her "heart locked away" and their -- casual? Semiformal? -- interactions "off the street." Perhaps literally; perhaps they have too much history to fuck in a brownstone vestibule in a casual way.

Blair asks, in a casual way, whether S has decided finally "on whom to crush." She has not, even though she said she did earlier in the episode, but the Nate speech about whatever it was about has spun her. She brings up Big Love and the fantasy of Nate and Dan at the same time, as though nobody's ever thought of that, and Blair says something truly bizarre: "Even in Utah, only the men get to have more than one spouse. Which I've come to realize is extremely sexist." ...Um, what? Polygamy will never be equal opportunity, because it equals sexism; it's a cancerous symptom of a disease we all already have. "I've noticed that women don't get the opportunity to purchase young boys as property, which is extremely sexist."

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Gossip Girl

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