Rufus needily whines that Eric's not excited enough about the hideous fucking ring and the million miles of bullshit that it encompasses, but Eric assures him that the ring is "amazing," which is not untrue, and that Rufus wanting to marry Lily is adorable. "I just want to make sure you're prepared," he says, in a duck and cover tone. Rufus protests that he's been married before, like somehow Eric's accusing him of not being able to operate a marriage license properly, and Eric explains that Lily's been married too: four times. "Ah, those guys weren't right for her," Rufus tish-toshes. That's the "I'll be back" horror-movie move of this show. You never fucking tish-tosh Eric van der Woodsen, because you always end up bleeding, because he's always right. Just do whatever the kid tells you to do, keep your back straight, and remember to smile.
"That's definitely true, but my Mom can be a little crazy, too. And I love her, I just don't want you to forget where she came from." Rufus tish-toshes once again that Lily is nothing like CeCe, which is not only untrue but also sort of sad because before Lily, CeCe was the only person on earth that actually liked Dan besides his boyfriend Nate. Rufus totally gets himself into a defensive "I was there" position, like Lily is a hip Seattle band that sold out: "Trust me, I know the family." He then compounds this with the grossest thing anybody ever said: "I'm totally up for the wild ride that is Lily Rhodes-van der Woodsen-Bass-et cetera." Instead of saying, "Compare my mother to a theme park ride again and I'll send Blair to your house while you're sleeping," Eric just welcomes him to the family, and shakes his hand, because he's got Rufus's number and knows this is the queer shit Rufus was after the whole time.
Pilot Inspektor! I forgot about him, he's gotta show up at some point in the next two weeks, right? (And he's foine, too, I saw a picture. After the greasy hell that was Aaron Rose, I was shocked. Although to be fair I've seen the actor in something else, a trailer for the movie Timer with Emma Caulfield, and he looks amazing in that. So the grossness really was just Aaron Rose's grossness and not the actor's grossness, which is nice to know.) But now I'm sort of invested in seeing him make out with people, which is frustrating because Pilot Inspektor is the Aunt Sistercousin Lindsay of this show, since he's a blood relative to literally everyone in the entire cast except the Chuck/Nate/Blair thing, so how can he... Oh. That's how. Awesome.