Rufus is with his kids, walking down the street and being just disgusting, like he's never been to New York before, telling people to have a nice day and singing fucking "Zip-A-Dee Doo-Da" on the F train, enraging people who do not speak English and even getting on Jenny's nerves. When you're a Humphrey, you're always on the F train.

Before his kids drop him off at the Ostroff Center for Terminal Annoyingness, he spills that he's going to take that hideous effing ring and give it to Lily and ask her to join him in matrimony, digging his toes into the marble floors of her apartment and ornately shrugging with his shaggy hair in his eyes and the most awful childlike belief in their future together shining out of him as brightly as a train coming right at you. They do not tell him to knock it off, but encourage him instead. First, though, he's gotta have some weird drama queen moment with Eric where he asks for Lily's hand or some shit, because once Serena gets the hell out of there, Eric will be the man of the house. Sweetie, long after you're married that will still be the case.

Serena texts Dan right then that she'll be skipping the stupid van der Humphrey brunch where all this idiocy will be going down, because she has to save the Upper East Side again, but of course Dan can't leave well enough alone, so he decides to bring her some cappuccino and get her in line. Then Rufus gives Jenny noogies, and the embarrassment spreads so far that Rufus Humphrey becomes the Cloverfield of dorkiness, dropping little arachnoid dorkinesses everywhere that go skittering off to annoy people in all directions.

Serena jumps to her feet when Blair enters, grateful as hell, but is surprised by the Archibald following along behind. Blair shrugs: "I'm just as flummoxed as you are. I got out at 53rd and made a run for it, but he's faster than he looks." Instead of telling her to go to hell and getting out of there, Nate just sort of hums, because whatever. "Don't tell me, that hick gave you scabies," Blair says, and Serena levels with her about the scam, begging her not to throw the "I Told You So" out there, because S will lose it if that happens. Blair immediately shuffles toward her in the ridiculous green/gold paper toga she's now wearing, and swears she didn't want to be right about this.