Carol: "Hey, strange woman I hired to impersonate my daughter Charlie!"
Ivy: "Here is all the money. You guys are nuts."
Carol: "I had to make sure that CeCe would never come looking for my real daughter."
Ivy: "Cool. I'm going to keep some of it without telling you so that I can go back and be a series regular in the fall. I have a taste for the good life. And for Dan."
Carol: "I'm cool with letting you do whatever you want."
Ivy: "Turns out I'm crazy in an entirely different way than everybody thought."
Carol: "Turns out I am bad news in a similarly different way than everybody thought."
Ivy: "Good thing there are no photographs of your family for the last ten years or so, despite CeCe sending you checks every month for Charlie's entire life, on this show that is entirely about media and surveillance technology."
Shippers: "WE'LL NEVER WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN! WE MEAN IT THIS TIME! UNLESS BLAIR KISSES DAN AND THEN THE SHOW WILL BE GOOD AGAIN, BY OUR IMPOSSIBLY NARROW AND SOLIPSISTIC STANDARD!"
The definition of a genius is somebody that agrees with you. The definition of an asshole is somebody that doesn't. The definition of good art is art that somehow follows your precise personal instructions. The definition of bad art is anything administrated by somebody else, even somebody who knows what they're doing. The less important the issue, the louder the volume. This is what it's like to feel utterly powerless in your real life.
Nate: "So you're saying you're the hero of this story? That the show condones your behavior? That the show is a handbook on how to live your life?"
Chuck: "The show doesn't have any heroes; that's one of the greatest things about it and always has been. It's never condoned any behavior -- which should be apparent from watching even five minutes of any episode at all -- but especially not mine. And if you think this show, or any other show, is a guidebook to anything, you're more screwed up than we'd be if we were real and not fictional."
Nate: "But don't soap operas exist to tell us how to behave?"
Chuck: "No, you have an internal mechanism for that."
Nate: "Then what is the point of stories, if not to describe in a documentary style the way real people should always act?"
Chuck: "It used to be entertainment, but I'm not even sure about that anymore. Seems like in all this half-assed feminist education you've cobbled together nobody ever explained the difference to you between descriptive and prescriptive. But even if it were meant to be instructive -- you know, one of those many primetime soaps about the fabulously wealthy which is also pedagogical in nature -- Can't you rely on your own innate sense of ethics to determine what's appropriate?"
Nate: "It's not me I'm worried about, it's everybody else that's not as smart as I am."
Chuck: "I'd worry more about my own behavior if I were you, and less about hypothetical imaginary people that might think TV is real. Or getting outraged on behalf of their hypothetical imaginary victims."